This time I will actually mention Posh Spice

So I am kind of excited about living in the beaches. I am a little scared thous that it will get taken.

The rooms aren't huge but the neighbourhood is fantastic. It's a walk to get to the bus, to get to the subway to get to the rest of Toronto. It would mean the extra expense of buying a metro pass, but then I would own a metro pass! This could change everything, in a good way.

In other news, I totally loved the posh spice reality tv show. I had always kind of felt indifferent towards her, I mean she was the spice girl I had the least in common with. But I learned that we could totally be pals. She is hilarious, feels awkward, and gets drunk when she feels uncomfortable. Good times.

Posh Spice

I am currently looking at moving downtown. This is a huge decision. My friend and I have found a nice place in the beaches. My friend went and saw it the other day, but I had to miss the appointment for fencing. She said it's amazing. But it's a bit of a trip from the subway. When I lived in residence the subway stop was at the end of my very short one way street. At this house I would not be living that close to the stop, plus the stop would not even be on the yellow line, it would be on the green one. Really close to the blue one.... I didn't even know that one exsisited!

On top of that I don't have a job to work at downtown. Therefore I don't have money to pay for, you know, heat and the such.

But the apartment comes with a loft.... that has a nook.... that I hear.... is perfect for reading.

Recent News

I graduated.

home

I am officially home for the summer. Working at Canadian Tire. I am a university graduate and I am still working at the same job I have had since highschool. Something about this, or everything about this really, is very depressing. But on the upside I have a job so I can continue to pay the bills and I do not feel guilty when I go to the occasional movie.

I am looking for jobs, and I have applied to a couple. The unfortunate bit is that I am not very good at this whole job searching thing, but I guess it is something that you learn as you go along.

I am currently hoping to move back downtown in September, but that all hinges on whether or not I will be able to pay this thing called 'rent' and do this thing called 'eat'. Both of these things require that I have a 'job'.

The music reunion is this Saturday, I am excited to see people like Shashi and Heather, and Eve... is Eve going? I am unsure. But anyway there is excitement. But the rest of the people? Not so sure... I mean come one..... the people who I wanted to see past high school I have seen.

Spring

I have developed an obsession with tulips. I really want to buy tulips for my room, as I have a really nice vase and tulips would add a wonderful touch of spring to my room. But I honestly cannot justify the expense. the tulips would only be good for so long, while I could the money towards better things, such as paying off my debt.

I have finished one of 5 final papers. Finishing this paper means I have earned the award of buying new shoes at payless. OOOOoooohhh some new summer shoes. I am very much looking forward to the return of skirt wearing season.

I want to go traveling. But really I don't know how to go about such a thing. First off I cannot afford this, and secondly, where would I stay? I have made a list though of places I would like to travel to once I figure out the minor details.

I am building a book list on Amazon.com of books I plan on reading in the summer. Amonzon. com thinks I intend to buy them, they apparently are unaware of 'libraries'.
Speaking of which, this is pretty much awesome:
http://thenonist.com/index.php/thenonist/comments/3223/

One of them has my most favouritest architectural feature of all time: the spiral staircase. I also enjoy the band.

In other book news, I have downloaded a book by Douglas Adams to my iPod. Now I can enjoy books to and from class! This is much safer than my previous habit of reading while walking.

Oh, and here is what I am debating buying of the internet, I will be a true hit at parties:
http://www.nerdyshirts.com/productdetails.aspx?id=100088760

Why I am reconsidering my lifestyle

Two reasons I am reconsidering my current lifestyle:

1. While on reading week I got to work in plain clothes. I put on a sweatshirt that I had not warn for a couple months. On the way to work I could not figure out why the car smelled like pizza. Then work smelled like pizza. Then I realized it was my sweatshirt, unwashed for 2 months.

2. At work we sell this garbage can that smells like eucalyptus. I smelled it and my first thought was "I'd throw up in that".

Musings

I find myself wishing lately that I was extraordinary.

Clint Eastwood

I was in class today and overheard the following comments :

Girl: "Clint Eastwood, is that the guy from Million Dollar Baby?"

My response: "Clint Eastwood is not from Million Dollar Baby. Clint Eastwood is not from anywhere. He's fucking Clint Eastwood! Million Dollar Baby is that movie that has Clint Eastwood in it."

Of course I did not say that out loud. That would be rude.

Drag Show

For a friend's stagette we went to a gay bar tonight. And saw the greatest drag show ever. Totally beats the drag race I saw in Montreal. Miss Heavenly Heights and Miss Farenheight. Awesome.

I wonder what I am to them.

U of T is big, a no fooling kind of big. But come fourth year I havce realized that despite this bigness there are many people that I recognize. From classes, to residence to the dining hall, there are people that I recognize.

There's that guy who always wears too much cologne and who I don't like riding the elevator with.

There's that guy who's really noisy in the dining hall but I respect him because he's always very careful in making a salad.

There's that guy who is in my crim and psych classes, he's always 10 minutes late to everything, including the exams, and always seems genuinely surprised that we started without him.

There is that girl who has really great makeup and who's waist is about the size of my thigh, I always wonder how her internal organs fit inside her.

There is the guy from my psych classes, who wears the really soft leather coat, and who laughs whenever I make comments to myself about things that I find humourous in class.

Or that guy I pass on my way too and from classes, we seem to be on the opposite schedual, I'm always leaving whenever he's coming back, and vice versa.

After realizing that my school career has been populated with all these people, I can't help but wonder, what am I to them? Do they notice me? How do they remember me? Probably the curly hair. Or do they notice that I always walk in one minute before class? Do they notice that I am braver now and talk in class? Just makes me wonder.

Exhausted

I went to the gym this morning. I am severely exhausted. I was hoping that exercising would give me more energy, but right now I am completly wiped out.

I had a fencing tournament on Saturday. U of T hosted it so it was very convienient. I placed 13 out of 16, I think that's pretty damn good considering this is my first year fencing. I am quite proud of the progress I have made.

I wish I had a goal. Or a dream or a something. I feel kinda directionless right now. My whole life the plan has been to go to highschool and then university. I have done that, and that's now coming to a close. So I don't really have anything beyond that. So I'm looking around, trying to find a goal, trying to find something that I want to do, or work towards. Something.

New Semester

I've had the first week of classes and they all seem pretty good so far. I will have a few major papers and a couple small ones. I havce mostly psych this semester and one crim class. I may actually be able to do well this semester.
I was at a fencing tournament this weekend, and I actually beat people!!! I won a total of 3 bouts, which is 3 better than I've ever done! I was also warned by a ref that I was too violent. That's pretty awesome. Our team ended up coming fourth, which means no metal, but we all fenced really really well. It was a great time.

Finished Two Tests

I have finished two tests today, which means I am done with two courses. Usually I get very excited as the Christmas Break approaches, it is a little different this year. I guess the difference comes in that it, and everything else, is tinged by the word 'last'. This is my last Christmas break, next semester will be my last semester.

All this amounts to me feeling like I am running out of time. I feel like I am running out of time to enjoy what is happening right now and I am running out of time to prepare for what will happen after.

I have no idea what I am doing next, but it feels like I need a little time off. Time to work at paying my debt, time to think about stuff before getting into anything big. But applying for internships and different jobs will take time I just do not seem to have.

Back to studying.

A List of Good Stuff

Ok so I have been a little negative and sad lately, because it's the middle of November. and like any University Student I am feeling like there is way too much to do than what is humanly possible, and I'm not exactly seeing a pay off.

So, to cheer me up... a list of things I am happy about.

1. I have really awesome birthday mittens
2. I had a really great birthday
3. Peter is coming over on Friday for Swiss Challet
4. A friend is coming over on Friday to get a tour of my campus
5. I bought really nice new soft pants
6. I bought 2 new pairs of pants at 9.99
7. A big assignment that has been hanging over my head will be done by Thursday
8. I will be able to go to Thursday night's fencing practice no matter what
9. I have new really soft pajamas to wear
10. I have some great new CDs to listen too
11. my room is wonderfully clean.
12. Prison Break finaled last night so I don't have to keep watching it


OK I feel a little more upbeat now

I want to go to Indigo and wander around for awhile.

I want to go and buy myself birthday pajamas.

I want to eat Swiss Challet with cheesy bread.

I want to nap a little.

I want to read a book, a good book, for awhile, with a candle burning and maybe in the bath.


I want.

ahem...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I would really love too...

I would really love to take a warm bath right now and read a book.

Test done

Ok so I wrote my test today. I think it went well.

I have decided to go to a movie tonight so that I can get out of my head and out of my room.

Tomorrow I go home to party it up at the Staff Party

Sunday I am going to the fencing tournament because one assignment got pushed back.

This all seems a little more doable.

Thank you everyone for your support

I am debating now giving up being a Varsity Fencer. I would still fence, but it would mean less commitment... but being Varsity is so friggin cool

Oh Dear

I am feeling a little overwhelmed right now. The overwhelming feeling that I can't do this.

This Friday I have a test in Attention and Performance. I have to rock it because I have not done well on the previous two tests.

This Tuesday and next Wednesday I have:

1. Social Cognition Quiz (2%)
2. Social Cognition Research Propsal is Due (35%)
3. Law and Psychiatry Test (25%)
4. Legal Regualtion of Morality Paper (40%)

Oh Dear.

Really starting to panic here.

Decisions

I have to decide if I want to go to a fencing tournament on Sunday. The problem is I also have a paper diue that Tuesday.... and a two assignements... and a test... oh my I so cannot go to the tournament. But I want to. And I really feel like I am letting everyone down by not going. Mild Panic Attack in progress.