Spring

I have developed an obsession with tulips. I really want to buy tulips for my room, as I have a really nice vase and tulips would add a wonderful touch of spring to my room. But I honestly cannot justify the expense. the tulips would only be good for so long, while I could the money towards better things, such as paying off my debt.

I have finished one of 5 final papers. Finishing this paper means I have earned the award of buying new shoes at payless. OOOOoooohhh some new summer shoes. I am very much looking forward to the return of skirt wearing season.

I want to go traveling. But really I don't know how to go about such a thing. First off I cannot afford this, and secondly, where would I stay? I have made a list though of places I would like to travel to once I figure out the minor details.

I am building a book list on Amazon.com of books I plan on reading in the summer. Amonzon. com thinks I intend to buy them, they apparently are unaware of 'libraries'.
Speaking of which, this is pretty much awesome:
http://thenonist.com/index.php/thenonist/comments/3223/

One of them has my most favouritest architectural feature of all time: the spiral staircase. I also enjoy the band.

In other book news, I have downloaded a book by Douglas Adams to my iPod. Now I can enjoy books to and from class! This is much safer than my previous habit of reading while walking.

Oh, and here is what I am debating buying of the internet, I will be a true hit at parties:
http://www.nerdyshirts.com/productdetails.aspx?id=100088760

Why I am reconsidering my lifestyle

Two reasons I am reconsidering my current lifestyle:

1. While on reading week I got to work in plain clothes. I put on a sweatshirt that I had not warn for a couple months. On the way to work I could not figure out why the car smelled like pizza. Then work smelled like pizza. Then I realized it was my sweatshirt, unwashed for 2 months.

2. At work we sell this garbage can that smells like eucalyptus. I smelled it and my first thought was "I'd throw up in that".

Musings

I find myself wishing lately that I was extraordinary.

Clint Eastwood

I was in class today and overheard the following comments :

Girl: "Clint Eastwood, is that the guy from Million Dollar Baby?"

My response: "Clint Eastwood is not from Million Dollar Baby. Clint Eastwood is not from anywhere. He's fucking Clint Eastwood! Million Dollar Baby is that movie that has Clint Eastwood in it."

Of course I did not say that out loud. That would be rude.

Drag Show

For a friend's stagette we went to a gay bar tonight. And saw the greatest drag show ever. Totally beats the drag race I saw in Montreal. Miss Heavenly Heights and Miss Farenheight. Awesome.

I wonder what I am to them.

U of T is big, a no fooling kind of big. But come fourth year I havce realized that despite this bigness there are many people that I recognize. From classes, to residence to the dining hall, there are people that I recognize.

There's that guy who always wears too much cologne and who I don't like riding the elevator with.

There's that guy who's really noisy in the dining hall but I respect him because he's always very careful in making a salad.

There's that guy who is in my crim and psych classes, he's always 10 minutes late to everything, including the exams, and always seems genuinely surprised that we started without him.

There is that girl who has really great makeup and who's waist is about the size of my thigh, I always wonder how her internal organs fit inside her.

There is the guy from my psych classes, who wears the really soft leather coat, and who laughs whenever I make comments to myself about things that I find humourous in class.

Or that guy I pass on my way too and from classes, we seem to be on the opposite schedual, I'm always leaving whenever he's coming back, and vice versa.

After realizing that my school career has been populated with all these people, I can't help but wonder, what am I to them? Do they notice me? How do they remember me? Probably the curly hair. Or do they notice that I always walk in one minute before class? Do they notice that I am braver now and talk in class? Just makes me wonder.

Exhausted

I went to the gym this morning. I am severely exhausted. I was hoping that exercising would give me more energy, but right now I am completly wiped out.

I had a fencing tournament on Saturday. U of T hosted it so it was very convienient. I placed 13 out of 16, I think that's pretty damn good considering this is my first year fencing. I am quite proud of the progress I have made.

I wish I had a goal. Or a dream or a something. I feel kinda directionless right now. My whole life the plan has been to go to highschool and then university. I have done that, and that's now coming to a close. So I don't really have anything beyond that. So I'm looking around, trying to find a goal, trying to find something that I want to do, or work towards. Something.

New Semester

I've had the first week of classes and they all seem pretty good so far. I will have a few major papers and a couple small ones. I havce mostly psych this semester and one crim class. I may actually be able to do well this semester.
I was at a fencing tournament this weekend, and I actually beat people!!! I won a total of 3 bouts, which is 3 better than I've ever done! I was also warned by a ref that I was too violent. That's pretty awesome. Our team ended up coming fourth, which means no metal, but we all fenced really really well. It was a great time.

Finished Two Tests

I have finished two tests today, which means I am done with two courses. Usually I get very excited as the Christmas Break approaches, it is a little different this year. I guess the difference comes in that it, and everything else, is tinged by the word 'last'. This is my last Christmas break, next semester will be my last semester.

All this amounts to me feeling like I am running out of time. I feel like I am running out of time to enjoy what is happening right now and I am running out of time to prepare for what will happen after.

I have no idea what I am doing next, but it feels like I need a little time off. Time to work at paying my debt, time to think about stuff before getting into anything big. But applying for internships and different jobs will take time I just do not seem to have.

Back to studying.

A List of Good Stuff

Ok so I have been a little negative and sad lately, because it's the middle of November. and like any University Student I am feeling like there is way too much to do than what is humanly possible, and I'm not exactly seeing a pay off.

So, to cheer me up... a list of things I am happy about.

1. I have really awesome birthday mittens
2. I had a really great birthday
3. Peter is coming over on Friday for Swiss Challet
4. A friend is coming over on Friday to get a tour of my campus
5. I bought really nice new soft pants
6. I bought 2 new pairs of pants at 9.99
7. A big assignment that has been hanging over my head will be done by Thursday
8. I will be able to go to Thursday night's fencing practice no matter what
9. I have new really soft pajamas to wear
10. I have some great new CDs to listen too
11. my room is wonderfully clean.
12. Prison Break finaled last night so I don't have to keep watching it


OK I feel a little more upbeat now

I want to go to Indigo and wander around for awhile.

I want to go and buy myself birthday pajamas.

I want to eat Swiss Challet with cheesy bread.

I want to nap a little.

I want to read a book, a good book, for awhile, with a candle burning and maybe in the bath.


I want.

ahem...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I would really love too...

I would really love to take a warm bath right now and read a book.

Test done

Ok so I wrote my test today. I think it went well.

I have decided to go to a movie tonight so that I can get out of my head and out of my room.

Tomorrow I go home to party it up at the Staff Party

Sunday I am going to the fencing tournament because one assignment got pushed back.

This all seems a little more doable.

Thank you everyone for your support

I am debating now giving up being a Varsity Fencer. I would still fence, but it would mean less commitment... but being Varsity is so friggin cool

Oh Dear

I am feeling a little overwhelmed right now. The overwhelming feeling that I can't do this.

This Friday I have a test in Attention and Performance. I have to rock it because I have not done well on the previous two tests.

This Tuesday and next Wednesday I have:

1. Social Cognition Quiz (2%)
2. Social Cognition Research Propsal is Due (35%)
3. Law and Psychiatry Test (25%)
4. Legal Regualtion of Morality Paper (40%)

Oh Dear.

Really starting to panic here.

Decisions

I have to decide if I want to go to a fencing tournament on Sunday. The problem is I also have a paper diue that Tuesday.... and a two assignements... and a test... oh my I so cannot go to the tournament. But I want to. And I really feel like I am letting everyone down by not going. Mild Panic Attack in progress.

Halloween Weekend

Friday Night brought the awesome floor party. Four of us got together and went as Teen Girl Squad from homestarrunner (www.homestarrunner.com look under toons). Because I have curtly hair and glasses I was of course stuck being the ugly one. A lot of people did not know what the hell we were, but those who did thought it was awesome.

Saturday night I attended a Dixie Chicks Concert at the ACC with Mike, Lindsay and her friend Stefanie. It was so awesome. They are great in person and now I want to go see their documentary. I have been invited by some friends to go see it on Tuesday, but it depends on how busy I am.

Tonight I was supposed to be walksafing, but they cancelled because they didn't have enough people to fill out the team. So thankfully I got a night off. I got A LOT done. It feels good to start crossing things off my list of things to do.

My computer is having this weird freak out problem. It's shutting down and freezing at random times. And it's really really slow. Painfully slow. I don't know if it needs a new hardrive, motherboard or what. Or maybe just a new computer. Because I can totally afford that... oh wait... I can't.

I had a great meeting with a proffessor today. I was terrified of going to this meeting before, because I had not chosen a topic for the assignment. Then an hour before the meeting I was struck with a brilliant idea. I told her about it and she got all nerdily excited. She said it was a great idea and it combined topics in Social Cognition that are not usually compared.

It was a very good day.

Witty Title

I feel like I am being pulled in a million different directions.

Fencing takes up two nights a week. On top of that there are tournaments every weekend, and I can't make it to all of them meaning that I routinely dissappoint them.

Walksafe is one night a week, except every week they ask if I can cover other shifts as well, but I can't do this often.

Work wants me there more often then I am, except I can't, on top of that I have to start booking off shifts.

I am not around enough to do a great job being Floor President so I feel like I'm letting everyone down.

On top of all that I have from different groups who get upset because I can't see them all the time.

And oh yheah, classes, something about 5 classes with a heavy university work load.

Oh and WHAT THE HELL AM I GOING TO DO NEXT YEAR????????????

On the upside we had a floor party last night that was a big success. Almost the whole building showed up and had fun.

Frustrated

Tomorrow is our floor pub. As president I am in charge of running it and making sure everything goes well, I am obligated to be there.

This weekend is my first fencing tournament. I will be in Queens all weekend, having fun, but not studying.

I was invited out last night by my fencing peeps, I declined so that I could get work done. I was invited to go out dancing tonight, I really want to go, but I can't afford to lose another night of studying.

Basically I'm grumpy because I don't get to go out and go dancing with my friends and get drunk.... call me a spoiled child, but I want to party with my friends.

Damn my popularity.

Things to Do

Things to Do Today:

- Study for my Social Cognition Quiz tomorrow
- Book our floor pub next week
- Fill out form for Deans office
- Prep for my meeting with my proffessor tomorrow
- Write the paper that is due Wednesday for my Legal Regulation of Morality Class (20%)
- Study for my Law and Psychiatry Test on Wednesday (25%)
- Walksafe
- Update my wall calendar to October

I'm a little freaked out