Today I leave at 6 from school. My family is picking me up and then we're going away for Thursday and Friday. I have to work early Saturday morning so I'll either be coming late Friday night or early Saturday morning. Then I have this Crim paper to work on on Saturday night and on Sunday night. And then all day Monday because it is due at 6 on Monday. Is anyone available to edit my stupid project on Monday? Please?
I guess I won't be posting for awhile, probably not till Monday night at the earliest. Except Monday night I have to start reading for my Soc test on Wednesday. But my Soc test is my last thing before exams! Yay!
I just read through Shashi's movie ticket post. That was incredibly moving. It made me wish that I kept all the movie tickets I've ever had. I have most of the stuff from me and Rene. It used to be scattered all over my room; in picture frames and on my bulletin board, on my nightstand, everywhere. Then when we broke up my friend cleaned up my room and put it all in a bag. It sits in a closet right now. It's funny, I can tell myself that this will all stop, but it doesn't feel like it will. And I know that one day I will meet someone else, but right now it doesn't feel that way. I'm not sure when this hurt will end, at the moment I can't really see an end to it. But I guess it's not like that is it? It's not like one day something just clicks over and you're done hurting. I think it's more like one day, mid afternoon, you find something that reminds you of it, and you realize that it doesn't hurt anymore, that there's just been so much time that it just doesn't matter anymore. I want that moment that Janet had when she went through that stuff that Godfrey gave her, when he dropped off that package. She just seemed completly divorced from it all, like it no longer impacted her. It's interesting, this feeling of hurt has taken on so many different forms. I know it's decreased in intensity which is good. But it's also mutated and shifted and I don't know, it's just been an interesting experience. Gah this is overly dramatic and self revealing now isn't it? I'll probably take this post down later.
Oh I just called work, apparently I have to smell one of the cashiers on Saturday to see if she smells like beer or other intoxicating substances (for those of you who know me really well, you know that I wrote that sentence that way because I don't know how to spell the word alchoal). This should be interesting.
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4 comments:
That's why you blog, to get that stuff out.
Let's see. where to begin.
At least in my experience, the hurt comes not really from the other person, but the loss of the relationship. The loss of what once was. Those tokens of your life that now sit heaped in a bag are memories of good times had. Mine are still strewn about my room, in various places. I've not really touched them since Iris and I broke up, but I can look on them, and think of what a good time that was, but I don't really feel any longing to go back there. One day I will need to clean them up, and dispose of some of them out of impracticality, more than to forget.
That hurt gives it validity, and it makes scars. I think that every time it's easier to stop hurting, but harder to start loving again. And it would be a shame for you to get to that point I think, because you're a pretty neat kid.
It'll go away. You'll be ok. The hardest part is to let go of that, to let it slip, to move on and be satisfied with the memory. We're all like children at a Theme park, crying when we have to leave; even though when the sun sets, the roller coasters are empty, the characters have taken off their costumes, and the magic has settled from the air. We have to smile and remember the fun times we had there, and look forward to the next opportunity we have to go.
Oh, and for the record. It's Alcohol.
Yeah, Shashi's posts can really get you thinking about things.
*hugs*
funny you should mention that bag of stuff, i don't really remember what was in it anymore, even if i try. actually, i threw out all the little memorabilia that i had collected during our relationship, but the weirdest (and somewhat best) part is that i don't even remember throwing it all out. all i know is that one day i wanted to show andrew all the stuff i had hoarded, and when i opened the box, it was empty...the time will come, and when it does, you'll know
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