A COMPARISON OF COGNITIVE THERAPY, APPLIED RELAXATION AND IMIPRAMINE IN THE TREA

The title of this post came up on the auto-complete thing that windows provides. I went with it.

I loved Nuit Blanche last night. It was a great night to be a part of. It felt good exploring things I don't normally do. And seeing parts of the city I don't normally see. It was nice being out late at night and wandering around, but having enough people around that it felt safe. Heather was an excellent tour guide. I hope she didn't mind being the planner of our destinations, she just seemed to have a natural ability to plan out our trip so we got to see the most stuff. I would blog about the exhibits, but I am not feeling it right now.

I went shopping with my Mom most of today. It was awesome. I love spending time with my Mom. My Mom is very good at finding her way around the mall and she was very helpful in my quest to find some sweaters for work, so I can look professional and the such. Sasdly we could not find her a coat. THERE IS A BATH AND BODY WORKS IN YORKDALE! I got soap that I have always wanted, that I always envined whenever I washed my hands in America.

Is this post rambly and uninteresting? Well it should because I am on the phone and posting so there we go. Can't do two things at once.

New sweater day for work tomorrow! And my hands will smell like cool cucumber. Perhaps I will throw on a little makeup, my new coat and be the total career woman.

Goal Updates

So because I do a lot of general complaining about how I amn directionless, without a future and what not, I will now take a moment to acknowledge some progress. Because it is just unfair to you lovely readers (and by that I believe I am including all five people who read this blog) to hear all the compliants but none of the joy.

1. Goal: Volunteer. I have wanted to volunteer since moving into this apartment a year ago. Actually I have wanted to volunteer since first year, but it has felt rather urgent that I do so since moving out. Now I am finnally in training to volunteer with an organization on a regular basis. This is awesome because it means I am working towards both career discovery and something I have considered a life goal. My training with the help-line has been going well, it is very interesting and looks like the help line is a great resource for many people.

2. Goal: Exploring more of the opportunities in Toronto. I always feel like I am not taking advantage of all the city has to offer. Like going to an all you can buffett but just drinking water. So I have started exploring the city, keeping my eyes open on street cars and checking out different shops and neighbourhoods. I have also checked out Toronto festivals, I went to busker fest, the word on teh street festival, and tonight I will be doing nuit blance with Heather and some friends.

So there we go people, I am making progress! Yay me!

I wrote this post with only one eye open.

I had dinner with Heather and Judy tonight. It was weird realizing I had not seen Judy since high school. I didn't realize that I had never seen her in the interim. I don't know how to spell that word. I also don't know how to not read blogs for an hour longer than I intended to, and then be really sleepy.

Sleeeeeeeepy

Fencing last night went really well last night. One of our coaches has decided that all of us our out of shape and weak. So for two weeks in a row he has a run a brutal warm up session. I stopped feeling bad about collapsing mid-pushup when I saw one of the other fencers, who has an awesome gun-show, also collapse while doing pushups. I want to jog more to get into better shape and improve my stamina, but I am kind of stuck as to when to do so. I don't particularly want to do it in the mornings, but that seems like when I would most routinely get time to do so. But the mornings are just so damn early.

Time Change

So this morning I was going to blog about how training went last night, and how I think it will be very helpful and I will learn skills that I can apply throughout my whole life. Except this morning, when I went to feed Finnigan, I spilt half a bottle of flakes into his bowl. So I had to spend like 10 minutes fruitlessly trying to net the food out of his bowl. The bowl that I just cleaned yesterday. I therefore do not have enough time to write about the training.

Training Day

I start training today for the telephone helpline. I am a little bit nervous about working the helpline. Hopefully the training will really help me. Other than that not much going on today, work, training, oooh and Admiral Finnigan will get his first tank cleaning.


Could you stand such an exciting day? I didn't think so. You have to be pretty extreme to handle such an action packed day.

To Pesto

Tonight for the first time ever, I had pesto. Okay that is not true. I have had pesto before, but it has always been mixed with other things. I was not aware that all of the awesomeness was coming entirely from the pesto. What follows, is an open letter to pesto.

Dearest Pesto,

I am sorry for not appreciating you all these years. I am sorry that I have not been dipping french bread in you. I am sorry I have not been tossing pasta in you all summer, for a light summery feel that still has a little flair to it. I am sorry that I have never put you on a burger, for I know it would be a taste sensation. I am sorry I had not previously mixed you with feta and put you on a pita. Pesto, my neglect has done both of us a disservice. And for that I can never apologize enough.

Love always,

Christine.

Book Festival

I got to go to Word on the Street today. It is a book and magazine festival held in in downtown Toronto. Heather and I went and it was pretty good. The only thing was it was quite crowded so it was a bit hard to get to all the tables. I tend to like to linger while book shopping and that wasn't really possible. It was a nice day though and definelty worth checking out.

Kitten Cuddiling and then I call you lame

I had an awesome day today. I got to meet up with my friend Laura where she works. Laura works at an animal hospital that takes in stray kittens. I got to meet Floyd who is so happy about not having to live on the street and not having flees that he purrs all the time. He purs if you snuggle him, he purrs while he eats, he even purrs while he goes to the bathroom. After I put him back in his cage he stood in the corner and purred, nothing was happening, he just wanted to show the corner how much he appreciated it.

After the kittens Laura and I went to the mall and I got a coat! YAY! Take that all the people who said I looked homeless, I am now hip, professional AND warm. Ha.

Then Laura and I went out to Swiss Challet for dinner and then we went to our good friend Travis's birthday. We played video games and drank martinis. If that is not your idea of an awesome party, please don't invite me. Or talk to me... cause clearly you are lame.

Privileged

I really loved 'Privileged' a new show I watched on Tuesday. It had Sheianne from Reba, another show I loved. It had cute story lines, it's not a show that makes you smarter, but it is what the critics call 'heart warming'.

It also reminded me so much of myself. How we always wore our designer dresses to school. And how Shashi had her annual start of the year party on her yacht. Good times.

Admiral Finnigan: Status Report

Admiral Finnigan has a very awesome bubble nest going on. I am pretty sure it has wall to wall carpeting and a sunken living room. It would appear that my vain little fish is secure enough in his sourroundings, and himself of course, that he is trying very hard to attract a mate. I don't think I am going to tell him that there is no female Betta on her way.

I tried to clean out the uneaten food off the top of his water yesterday. Usually I just do a good sweep at the top of the water with his net. Except he swam in the net. On purpose. This fish has no survival instincts at all.

Better

Last night, after having a good freak out, I ordered in dinner. I watched House and Privileged. And oh my gosh it was so good to just relax for the night. I didn't try to accomplish anything or pursue any goal. I just ate some delicious food, that I didn't make, and watched some TV without organizing anything while doing so. I didn't do dishes, I didn't make my lunch or pack up for fencing. I didn't even hang up my work clothes. I just vegged. I feel so much better this morning. I forget sometimes that it isn't always better to fight against a freak out, sometimes it's better to let it happen, and then it's over. And then it's important to relax, and realize you don't have to sort out your whole life in one night.

Okay so....

So I think I have figured out most of the issue.

I am tired. I am tired of the routine and the schedule and mostly I am worn out.

I am giving myself the night off to mope.

Blah

I tried to buy a coat today and I was unsuccesful. Apparently I am not supposed to own a coat this year. My apartment smells because the people below me have shut all their windows and are cooking things that smell like crap. I am tired of making dinner and lunches. I am tired of washing laundry and vacuuming.

Fish = still swimming. I, on the other hand, am not doing so swimmingly.

Ask and ye shall recieve AND get to work on time

Recently at work the office radio station was changed to the radio station I listen to at home. Originally I thought this was awesome because I was so tired of the easy listening radio station. Unfortunately I have found that listening to the same station all day at work and then at home is way too repetitive. They play the same songs over and over again and the same commercials. And in the evening they switch over to a broadcast that is based in New York. I am not in New York so this frustrates me.

I was on the subway this morning thinking about how I need to find a new radio station to listen to at home. Something jazzy, but not all jazz. Something that would help me unwind from work and not remind of work. And a station with a good news source so I can find out if there is an emergency of some sort. My parents have suggested a station but I think it is all jazz. So I was agonizing over what would obvisously be an endless perhaps lifetime long search when I realized that my entire subway car was devoted to the revamping of CBC radio 2. Every last ad, from the banners on the top to the poster ads on the side of the cars were devoted to Radio 2, which features an eccletic mix of upbeat music types that (and this was seriously in the ad) will help you unwind from your work day. It was like the subway system heard my thoughts and answered me in the form of subway ads.

Admiral Finnigan is eating! He is eating flakes! And swimming! a lot! Go Fin!

Admiral Finnigan!

I have a new Betta Fish! His name is Admiral Finnigan. I figured he would be in the navy, because I expected him to be like Freddy and be fearlessly territorial. Freddy would even attack me, even though I could totally take him. Cause I was like 5 feet taller than him.... and I can breathe air. Finnigan is a frady fish though, he swims away a lot. If he keeps up his frightened ways I may need to bump him down a couple rankings.


Finnigan is just getting used to his new home. He has a bigger bowl than what he had in the pet store. And he has some nice rocks, which were sterizled today by pouring boiling water over them, and he has a plant for him to hide in. He is not eating yet which has me a little nervous, but I just put him in his new home today so maybe he is still getting settled in.

He is a deep red colour. I wanted a red fish because Freddy was blue, so I wanted a fish that would not feel like I was replacing Freddy. I call him Freddy once in a while by accident though.

Weird, right now he is one corner of his bowl stairing at his relection in the glass. It is like he is hypnotized by himself. Maybe Finnigan is a vain fish. He was one of the prettier fishes.

Dinner with Mike

Every once in awhile when I go back home my schedule matches up with Mike's, my best friend from grade school so we go out for dinner to catch up. Every time we do this though, we can never choose where. We spend the whole day trying to think of places, throwing out suggestions, asking other people if they know of anywhere good. Every time we end up going to East Side Mario's. We always read the menu, front to back, debate and agonize over what we should order; if we are in a pizza mood that night or if we want to try their new special. Every time we order the same meals. After dinner we agonize over what we should go do; should we go to the movies, if so what movie, should we go to a bar, or maybe we should mini putt. Every time we end up at Tim Horton's and talk for hours. And absolutely every time I have an awesome time with my best friend Mike.

Temperature

On the hook on the back of my door I hang a beach towel. I use it when I want to go read on the beach. On the same hook I have a scarf, I keep it out because lately it has been chilly in the mornings. I feel this situation epitomizes the weather we have been having lately; a beach towel and winter scarf hanging on the same hook.

Mornings

There is a man who lives on my street who drives a motorcycle. He parks it on the street near my house. And he idles this motorcycle every morning. I don't know much about motorcycles so I don't know if you have to warm it up for 10 minutes before you ride it, or if it has to sound like a 100 gun salute while it's warming up, but I do know about sleep, and that I like it. He idles his motorcycle at about 7 in the morning, while I am usually up at this time on week days I know that this is not always the case. He also idles it on Saturday and Sunday mornings as well. I have never met this man, so I know about as much about him as I know about motorcycles, but I have a very strong feeling that I would not like him.

Practice

I had an excellent practive tonight. We worked with a new sabre coach who will probably be with us for the school year. To see how we fence he broke every movement down to it's pieces, from how we held our head to where our point should be. It was awesome learning the precise placement of our feet. I learned a lot of that stuff when I first started fencing, but I didn't really grasp it all and I got lazy. While free fencing I was able to do a stop-cut (a move I have been working on for months) on a girl who is quite good. I was actually able to match her point for point while fencing her. Huge improvements all around!