Winter Preparations

It is getting colder out, no snow out here as of yet, but I have added a scarf to my autumn layers. Soon I will put away my fall coat and bring out the long warm winter coat. I will dig up my winter boots, and pull out the rainbow of scarves. The shorts will be swapped out for sweaters and ear muffs will become a permanent feature. Things are getting cozy.

Post Trip

I fell in love with Paris. That city does fantastic things with wrought iron. It also does wonderful things with chocolate. It is a fantastically beautiful city, one I am definitely going to go back to.

London sported a lot of friendly people and some wonderful museums that I got to spend hours in. Sadly I did not make it to see Stonehenge as per my life list, but I did see many many other fantastic Londony things, and now I have a reason to go back.

I would say that one of the best things about my trip is that it taught me that I can travel, that I can book hotels and see the sites and not lose my passport.

I am thinking Italy next.

Europe Bound

I have officially booked a trip to Europe. For most people this would mean nearly uncontrolled excitement. For me it is predominantly anxiety inducing. I have travelled a lot this year and I have come to the conclusion that I do not travel well. I am very nervous leading up to the trip, worried about all the things that will go wrong, and I tend to be very nervous on the plane ride over. But I have found that after every time I have travelled I have been very glad I went. I enjoy the memories of being there, and sometimes I even enjoy being there when I am actually there!

This will be the first time in Europe for me. I will get to see a little of Paris and a lot of London. While I know it will be awesome, I am currently just in the phase where I make one hundred lists of all the things I need to do before I leave.

A Short Post Regarding a Cold

I am not exactly sure what I am doing wrong but I am currently enjoying my third cold in three months. I am not sure if this is three different colds or if it is the same cold and it has just been living in my body this whole time and it occasionally gets the better of my immune system, rises up and takes over for a week and a half every once in awhile.

I have tried orange juice, tea, and sleep and I cannot seem to shake it. It is not so terrible that I cannot go to work, but it has kept me indoors on some sweet sunny days. But it as also functioned as an excellent excuse to sleep in on weekends, so it does have its upsides.

Moving?

The time wherein I figure out where I will live has returned. My roommates are currently unsure if they are staying in the country. I have decided that I am going to stay in this apartment. The bing question is who will be living with me and which room I will be living in.

Anyway it ends I need to do a clean out. I haven't moved in almost two years, so stuff has been accumulating. Specfically I need to go through my clothes. I need to huck what is stained and worn out and keep what is good. I need to rearrange things and lighten what I have, so the things that I value are more prominent. Especially if I end up in the shoebox bedroom.

Tulips

I love the phase of spring where all of the city flower beds are planted with tulips. There bright colours have always made them one of my favourite flowers. The fact that they only last about month just adds to their charm. The sight of them reminds me that even if it doesn't last forever, things can still be worth doing.

Book Recommendation

I know it's a little early in the year to start making these declarations but "All My Friends are Super Heroes" by Andrew Kaufman is one of the best books that I have read and will read all year.

Its beautifully written, and has people with super powers in it. If you are looking for more from your book reading experience I just don't know how to help you. There are super heroes. Read the book. Your life will be better because of it.

Mid April

I still exist. I promise. If you were to meet up with me you could totally poke me and you would find that your finger hits something solid. That is how much I exist, pokeable existance.

G20

There is definelty an increased police presence in the city right now as a result of the G20. For example, I rode the streetcar with 8 RCMP officers recently. I went out for pizza last night and passed at least 25 officers. I have noticed that I cannot help but stare at them, I am just not accustomed to that many RCMP, OPP and Toronto Police in one place. Luckily for me all the officers I have run into are exceptionally nice, over and over again I have been caught gawking at them, and every single time, they smile warmly, nod and say hello. I know this may not end up being the case during the actual G20 when they will be under extreme pressure, but I must admit, I love living in a country where are police are friendly.

Ballerinas

My old dance school recently held their annual dance recital. Since my mom still organizes the entire backstage, I spent a weekend backstage helping out. As usual it was a whole lot of fun, you haven't seen happy until you have seen a three year old ballerina in her first powder pink tutu.

In comparison to years before I felt unusually useless this year. Mom pointed out that that was a good thing, it meant things were running smoothly, which I had to admit was true. So in lieu of any heroic stories about myself (and that's why you're here right? for the heroics I regale you with so constantly) I bring you the two cutest moments of the whole weekend.

During the younger show (3-7 year old) one of the numbers was danced to "This little light of mine" . While that number was dancing I was hanging out backstage with a group of five year old jazz dancers. Very quietly, very much just to herself, one of the little girls started to sing along to the song. Eventually two or three other girls started to sing it too; a trio of soft voices singing "let it shine, let it shine, let it shine". A moment that if required, would have made my heart grow three sizes.

The members of one four year old dance group had each been given a number, so that way they would remember their order. The issue came up though that while most knew their number they did not neceesarily know which numbers were supposed to be next to them. I was helping sort out this problem, when I asked a quiet girl what her number was, I knelt down while she raised up on her tip toes to whisper in my ear; "I'm the one with two ones", I introduced her to her friend 12.

Party, Gucamole, Apology to Mom

Last night (and technically this morning) was the first time I partied until, literally, the break of dawn. It was a fencing party that, smartly, refused to end. So much so that when the original party broke up, we went off to our coach's condo. And kept drinking. Well others kept drinking, I had a glass of red wine nearby to defer the question "Can I get you another?". Eventually they noticed that my glass never got less full, but the great part about drunk people is that you can easily distract them and they forget they are asking why you are not drinking.

I made guacamole for the first time last night! It was delicious. I always love learning to make a new dish. It feels good to expand a cooking repertoire, like having a new skill on hand just in case. Except with cooking, the skills are tasty. And guacamole is the kind of thing welcome at any party. I feel though that I have done avocados a huge disservice. Do you know all the things you can put them in? So much deliciousness.

I wonder sometimes if my Mom gets frustrated with my eating habits now. I try new things, I eat things that used to make me turn pale when I even looked at them. I am sure she is happy that I am branching out and enjoying different kinds of foods. But at the same time I think she may look back on all the family dinners she lovingly prepared (after getting us up in the morning, working all day and before taking us to our after school activities) which I dramatically gagged during (peas people! come on!) . All the times she had to hunt through things at potluck meals to see if there was anything I would eat (I still don't like cold cut sandwiches). And the number of times she had to say; "I'm sorry we can't go out for Chinese food; Christine distrusts the whole cuisine", or how she had to explain to the local bagel shop that I wanted a plain bagel with butter, but, heaven forbid, don't toast it, because that would end my world. So I apologize Mom, for my picky eating, but I would like the record to show, that peas are still gross.

I think I am in for a lazy day today, I saw both sides of six am yesterday so I think napping will ensue.

Parade

I was in an office building today that has a large bank of windows that overlooks a busy intersection in the city. I was eating an apple and watching the world go by when I noticed that there were five cyclists riding side by side by side, taking up the entire two lanes for east bound traffic. Then I noticed that it was not just five cyclists but a whole stream of them (if they were a bunch of peacocks I would have called them a 'muster' of peacocks, but they were not). They occupied all of the east bound lanes for over two blocks. The group of them entered the intersection and proceeded to turn left. It was quickly apparent that they were not all going to make it before the light turned red. When the light turned yellow a cyclist in a hat, that could only be called 'jaunty', stopped in the middle of the intersection, pulled out a trumpet, and then serenade the street. A man with bongos joined in, and either all the cyclists were ringing their bells, or someone had wind chimes. The trumpet was soon joined by a chorus of honks (I don't think all, or most, in support of their impromptu cycle parade) from the cars waiting at the intersection. But despite the honking, everyone waited (some in amusement and some probably just unwilling to commit vehicular manslaughter) until the bikes had all gone through.

I do not know where they came from, where they were headed too (they quickly made another turn at the next intersection, thereby leaving my view), why they were riding in fleet style, or even what key the trumpet was playing in. But it brightened my day.

An ode.

The books I am going to read live on the shelf behind my bed. They are lined up neatly awaiting their turn. The books I am going to read live on a side table next to the shelf because the shelf got to0 full. The books I am going to read live in boxes under my bed, because the church book sales I attend mean that the side table does not provide enough space. The books I am going to read live on shelves in the home I keep at my parent's house, because my tiny apartment does not provide enough room. The books I am going to read live at the library, on a hold list that my additions keep infinite. The books I am going to read live in your apartment, on your shelves, because when I come over, I will borrow one. The books I am going to read live on the front tables of chain book stores, where all the popular fiction resides. The books I am going to read live in the back corner, top left shelf of the used book store around the corner. The books I am going to read live on best seller lists, Oprah's book club list, and the unscientific, unofficial, almost entirley inaccurate list (kept by me) of What People Are Reading Next to Me on The Subway. The books I am going to read live, grow, self propogate pretty much everywhere. For this I am grateful.

It would rain

Despite the lack of rain for the past few days I recently expereienced a sense memory:

At my home-home (not to be confused with my Toronto-home) on summer afternoons the feeling of coming rain would creep in through the open windows and fill the air in the entire house. It was the feeling of a release, a letting up of pressure you had been previously unaware was there. Shortly after this the rain would start, softly at first then becoming more urgent. Mom, from the garden usually, would call out instructions to close all the windows. Every window in every room would then be closed, by whoever was home. If we were too slow, or the waer came too quickly, rain would splash through the window screens, pooling on the sills. The tiles in front of the screen door would frequently fall victim, for some reason the sliding glass door was always the last to be shut. Sometimes this is what the word summer means to me.

WE WON!!!!

Our floor hockey team won! We have never actually done that before. And this time we won, and we did so by scoring more goals than the other team, not via the other team forfeiting. While I did not score any goals I was all up in there doing important floor hockey things. I think I may even be getting better, my sports skills are improving, I am very good at getting in other people's way. Surely this win will lead to an avalanche of unending, uninterrupted winning.

New!

I finally acquired myself a new laptop. I have been living out of Daley's Mac since before Christmas. It has been a wonderful Mac. And I am sure Daley misses it, which is why I got around to buying a new laptop. It's very pretty, and filled with Windows 7 which I am still getting used too. Things keep popping up, but they make pretty sounds when they do so, so I am going to allow it.

I will even be able to upload photos! Which means maybe New York pictures! All 8 of the ones I took!

New York!

I spent the weekend in New York! And I sucesfully flew there and back alone, without any horrible incidents! And my luggage showed up!

While in New York I got to visit the Strand. A bookstore that is apparently 18 miles of books. Three floors of floor to ceiling, every surface covered, books. I was very very happy. And I saw Times Square and Grand Central Station and many tall iconic buildings that I cannot remember the name of. And I had Soup Dumplings! Dumplings that have soup in them! Hard to eat? Yes. Delicious? YES!

And I got to eat at the restaurtant that the New York Times had just declared as having the Best Pizza in New York: Motorino. The wait was over an hour and a half (luckly you can leave your name and then come back after drinking tea at a cafe) but it was worth it. So delicious.

I got to go shopping in SoHo and I found out where Jay Z got his name. I also went to the MoMA which was featuring an exhibit of Tim Burton's work. The exhibit was high on my list of favourite things about the New York Visit (best pizza and huge bookstore obviously ranking pretty highly) it was a fantastic look into how hard Tim Burton works on all of his projects. Rather inspiring.

But now? Now I sleep.

I don't fly enough

I fly out in a couple of days to New York! And I have started the process of freaking out about it. I am trying to find out what carry on I am allowed. From my readings it seems I am allowed one bag and a purse. I wonder if my back pack would be one bag. Oh I panic easily.

Eco Changeover

I have started a new project. I am slowly, as the old standbys are used up, moving over to eco friendly products for my body and for my home. I don't really know what I am doing. There is a bit of a learning curve here, I am learning that there are different chemicals found in regular moisturizers and shampoos that many many people dislike. I am learning that not everything that says "eco friendly" or "organic" is made from 100% natural ingredients. I am learning that things made from natural ingredients can also have ingredient lists that read like tongue twisters. I am also learning that no one has it all figured out. So I am learning as I go, and doing my best.

I picked up diswashing liquid today by ECOVER. It claims to be tough on grease.

I also picked up Frosty Mint toothpaste, which, once my colgate runs out, I will be trying out. This toothpaste points brings up one of the big issues with this eco changeover: It is 4 dollars more expensive than the regular brand I buy. Most nature friendly products are more expensive, but they also tend to have cuter pictures of animals on them. It's a trade off.

Jingle Bell Rock

When the radio station that plays at work gets switched to 24 hour Christmas, this can add heaps of pressure on someone who has yet to start her Christmas shopping.

balloons

I am currently trying to think of reasons that the large office tower across the street from me would have multiple floors decked with red, white and green balloons. They are attached to cubicle walls, filing cabinets and desks. I doubt it is for one person's birthday as a few floors have it. It could be for an Italy festival they are having, but I see no corresponding banners. And a month ago there was a similar balloon situation but they were all pink. This is most curious.

Christmas in the City

10:00 am on parade Sunday. The subway is filled with tiny people in Santa Claus hats, swinging their legs and shifting in seats, their excitement too big to keep inside. Regular riders don't complain when the swinging and the shifting result in kicked shin bones and jostled rides. The conductors ride with doors wide open, while wide-eyed children stare at the lights and buttons.

Santa is here people.

Dinner

Tonight I made a cous cous & tofu stir fry for dinner. Since I have made it many times with Peter, and since I called him before I started making it to get directions, it was no problem at all to make. A delicious time was had by all.

That is how the post should have gone. Instead it goes like this:


To make cous cous one should out it in boiling water that is just enough to cook it but no too much so it does not get soggy. I apparently erred too much on the soggy caution side. When I checked on my cous cous I discovered that instead of 'fluffin nicely' it was 'smoking' & 'burning'. And judging by the amount of smoke I would have to say it was making it's way quickly towards being on fire. The aftermath, was a lot of wasted cous cous and a charred pot. Once again I am glad I have not invested in an expensive pot set, as my charring days do not seem to be ending.


Round two of dinner making went much smoother, and was a lot more delicious.


In answer to my cousin's question: Book club is going great! We just had a meeting last night, we read Any Known Blood by Lawrence Hill. An interesting look at 5 generations of a family and the different difficulties they come up against.

Stair Climb

I did it! I did the stair climb! Completed it! All the way to the top! Even that bit that is just antenna! I suction cupped my way up that part. It was totally awesome. I am glad I completed something from my life list AND raised money for the United Way. And I got a T-Shirt! With my time on it! 23 minutes and 58 seconds. Which is an even faster time then I was expecting. And then there were waffles for breakfast. Oh yes, a good time was had by all

Le job Le Hunt

I frequenlty find job hunting frustrating. It seems to underline the fact that I have no idea what I want to do. The concept of it also empasizes that I am not where I want to be with my life and that I do not know where I want to be and that if I did know, I do not know how to get there. It also frequenlty makes me sad and grumpy. So I often avoid it.

Pretty Things and RL

I have been very much into dragon flies lately. I think because they have been on everything, clothes, bags, cards etc. Or perhaps they are just more salient because I am into them now (sometimes a psychology degree can be very tiresome).


I found this pretty item on etsy: necklace

And then I looked up dragon flies on flickr: up close!

and not to be annoying or anything, but they are not as pretty in Real Life.

But you know, they can actually fly. So that's like being better.

Fence Fence!

I had an awesome fencing practice tonight. This was the first practice in awhile that I actually felt like I was accomplishing something, and not just flailing about like a useless never fenced before idiot. And I actually got a good work out of the whole deal, so I am feeling pretty good.

I am doing the stair climb this Sunday! The CN Tower Stair Climb! What was once the tallest freestanding building, but then got usurped, but then got resurped when they made up a whole category, will be climbed by me! This Sunday! Not all the way up, that attenae part at the top is a little tricky, but as far as they let me go! I am hoping for a time in the low twenties, but we shall see what will happen.

This event, in addition to raising money for United Way, will be the first item crossed off my life list! This will be an exciting moment. Then perhaps a hot air balloon ride!

oh hey!

Have I mentioned that I have moved? Did I mention that I love my new apartment? Did I mention that my commute is the same to work, and faster to everything else? Did I mention that I have an oven? Did I mention that I have a washer and drier? Did I mention any of this? No???

My Bad

Advice For Italian Boys - Anne Giardini

I recently read Advice for Italian Boys by Anne Giardini, by the recommendation of the Toronto Public Library that had it listed as a 'Best Bets', and who am I to argue with the library.

The book focuses on the life of a 20 something Italin boy growing up in a town in Ontario. The driving story focuses on the main character trying to find his way in life while balancing the expecations, desires and advice of his family and friends. Relvoing around his story are the stories of his brothers, his parents, his grandmother and almost everyone he comes in contact with. Her explorations of the invidual characters read like beautiful stand alone stories but in the end layer together to build a thoughtful and elegent narrative. In this way Giradini acknowledges that no one exists in a vacuum, and that other people's experiences and actions can affect us in ways that can change our life direction.

Giardini's writing sets a slower tempo than what I have become accoustoumed to lately. Her descriptive and detailed writing bordered on lyrical. The read was satisfiingly slow, forcing my brain to ratchet back to a pace that is similar to what is achieved while on vacation.

I would recommend this book for a book club, for people who like stories that create an entire world and for someone who needs a mini mental break during their day.

That was fun wasn't it?

42 steps from the Street

Today my roommate and I gave our 60 days notice to move out of our current apartment. The one that smells like fish, pretty much all the time.

Can you believe it has been almost two years already?

I mean I remember when I had just moved in! And when I painted! And when I discovered a gas stove could kill me! All very exciting stuff.

I have found a new apartment! It involved a lot of agonizing.... A LOT. Ask Heather, she will inform you, much agonizing occurred.

I had been planning on living alone, but then my friend Emily called and asked if I would be interested in living with her and another girl. I almost said no, right off the bat, as living alone was the big dream. Then she said the glorious words: "laundry in the apartment" !!!! Not downstairs or nothing... but IN THE APARTMENT ITSELF!!!! So I agreed to check out the apartment. It is pretty nice. But very small. But in a great location! And has a doorman! And a gym! AND LAUNDRY IN THE APARTMENT.

After much agonizing (seriously, the amount of agonizing cannot be over emphasized, in fact any over emphasis would still be a huge underemphasis) and number crunching (two budgets were created, one where I lived alone and one where I took the apartment, and these budgets were compared to my current budget) I decided to take the apartment.


So the big question is: can I live in a small apartment with two other people and be happy?

"In the end, if you take care
You can be happy or unhappy anywhere"
- Lyrics from a sweet tune by Everything But the Girl

bookstores are always a good place to be

Afew months back one of my favourite podcasts included an awesome song as their outro. I loved it. I kept skipping back the minute and 56 seconds to listen to it. I tried searching the lyrics on the internet but I could not find that version. I gave up after an hour (I tried!) . Then only occasionally thought of it since then.

Last week I was half an hour early for dinner with friends, so stopped off at a bookstore to browse for awhile. I was on my eigth back-of-the-book read through when the song played over the soundsystem. The very nice counter clerk (and by very nice I mean she got all upset that I was interuppting her discussion with a co-worker) told me the soundtrack that was playing. The song, and all the songs on that CD are currently uploading to my iPod. Internet? bookstores win again.

In other news, I bought four lemons today. for a dollar. They are bright and yellow and happy. And only a 25 cents each.

In defence of sangria

In response to Peter: I am totally looking forward to Saturday Sangria, I think the missing part is looking forawrd to things like summer vacation and such.

There is a hole in my bucket, dear Liza a hole.

Christine would appreciate it if she had something to look forward to.*

Thank you.

* Please note that Christine acknowledges the need for an individual to be proactive in creating opportunities in his/her own life. She is just feeling a little bit run down at the moment.

The no blogging is as a result of the library

I haven't blogged much lately, and I blame the reading.

I have developed this habit of putting books on hold throught the library system. It started when I discovered that there is a library located right near a subway stop that is routinely on my way to other things (as opposed to the library that is near me, which is actually out of the way of my every day life) . I also found out that the library system will gladly bring books to the library of my choosing! I just go online, ask them to bring a book to my library AND THEY DO IT!!!! As a result of this I have read over 10 books in about three weeks.

I must say that for all the hype and all the people saying, that you have to read it because it will change your life, Eat Pray Love was still a really good read. And the Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night Time, also very good.

Odds and Ends

I spent today cleaning and tidying and organizing. Although I did not vacuum. I also listened to a lot of CBC Radio 2. It has yet to let me down. Oh! I also added my Life List to the blog. If I remember correctly it is over there --> ish. I had been meaning to add it for a while, and Ithought I was going to have to bust out my limited knowledge of html, and then blogger was all up ons with a widget for list making! Way to go blogger. The Life List is not complete but it does highlight my desire to learn how to dive. Not just dive once, but actually have the knowledge of how to do it over and over again, even if I haave not done it for awhile. My Dad has patiently spent hours trying to teach me (much like he did with bike riding) but it has not taken. The tricky bit is I refuse to learn in my pool at home, because it specifically says "no diving, shallow water, risk of paralysis" so you know, I'm weird like that.

Sunday Morning

Its Sunday morning and I am Heather's, abusing my unmonitored access to her laptop. She left for work already, I had to stay at the apartment as the subway does not run until after 9 on Sundays. It has been a good morning. There is sunlight, there is quiet and there is cats. And a pretty laptop. I feel like I am on vacation in Heather's life.

Book Club

I attended my first ever meeting of a book club! We were to have read Hunting and Gathering. By someone. It was a good book, very good. I should mention at this point that our book club is seriously considering being renamed Team Sangria.

I was one of two people who had read the book. This is the first book club I have ever been a part of. In fact my cousin is the only other person I can think of who is in a book club. Except my Mom, who does Bible study. Which is like being part of a book club, except you only really talk about the one book.

Okay my apartment smellls seriously funky as a result of my landloard. but still a very good day.

Mass murder on a Sunday Afternoon

For the past month our fridge has not been a pleasent area of the apartment to visit. Whenever the door was opened a smell wafted out that rivaled a composter. Turns out, it was because things were composting in there!

I cleared my schedual and for the first time since we moved in, our fridge got a thourough scrub down. All previous clean outs had been a simple matter of opening containers and seeing if there was new life growing in it. This cleanout included taking out all racking and drawers and washinging them/scrubbing them/scrapping the congealed mass of whatever the hell got stuck to them. And of course a whole bunch of moldy things were thrown out. I feel kinda bad, because those were a whole lots of new breeds of things I kind of killed. One of them may have cured the common cold. Or caused it.

In the end it turns out it was my ricotta cheese that was causing the unholy smell. It had somehow turned a weird shade of pink.

So much easier to find

I don't remember where it was that I heard it, if it was a passing comment by a DJ or am hilarious zing by a character on a sitcom. But someone, somewhere said; "What are you going to do? Stay home and alphabetize your Cd's?" in such a derisive tone it was more than clear that this was the epitome of pathetic. For some reason this comment has stuck with me. Whenever I get to thinking something like I should stay in and clean out my closet, this comment runs through the back of my mind.

I know I care too much about what people think. But recently I have started to realize how much I let what other people might think affect my life. I make choices as to what to do with my time and my resources based on how I believe other people will perceive me. This is not only unhealthy, but stupid. Realistically, no one really cares all that much.

I have decided that this needs to stop. It will be slow going probably, as old habits are hard to break, but I am going to make a concerted effort to stop imagining how other people will see my actions.

It is my Saturday night, and if I want to spend it organizing my shoes then that is what I will do. Because you know what? My Cd's ARE alphabetized! By CATEGORY! And you know what else? It's damn fucking efficient.

ART!

So I meandered into an art supply store while waiting to meet up with a friend. I tend to do this a lot, there is something about being around millions of different coloured pencils that makes me happy.

I wandered back into where they keep the preframed canvas. Lately I have been wanting to paint. I don't know why I have this urge. I haven't painted anything since nursery school. I have been fighting the urge because of the prohibitive cost of buying a canvas and other supplies. I wandered through the canvases in search of a price list. Did you know you can buy a canvas for like 5 bucks? That's practically free!!!

I am so buying a canvas and pretty paint and finger painting!

Internet, you are jealous.

An ode to some pants

A couple of years back I bought two pairs of jeans. Glorious jeans. They became my every day jeans. My, wear-them-to-breakfast-class-dinner-library jeans. I read textbooks in those jeans, went to parties and bars in those jeans, and on more than one occasion, slept in those jeans. Those two pairs of jeans have seen me through the last year of school, from the summer before it, straight through to two years after it. I wore a pair of them to drop off my resignation letter at Canadian Tire, and I wore a pair to my first day at work (I chagned when I got there) . These jeans have been on dates, been to exams, graduation parties and house warming parties. I moved into my apartment wearing one of these hardworking jeans. These were some damn good jeans.

About three months after I owned them I walked through the bottom of them, the cuffs were frayed beyoned repair. Over time the jeans started to fade, even some of the belt loops tore. But still we soldiered on my jeans and I. A month ago the zipper broke on one of them, one of the teeth fell off, stopping the zipper in its tracks. Two weeks after that I noticed that a hole had worn through the butt on the other pair. It appears my jeans knew my weak point, they claimed retirement because of their willingness to expose my underwear.

So two weekends ago, with my Mom's awesome help, I bought two new pairs of everyday jeans. They are the right size and length and colour. they have already been worn to work, out to dinner and to two house parties. They watched as our fencing team swept the OUA finals. I was wearing the boot cut version when I got some awesome news from a very good friend of mine. These jeans will see me through the next little while, they will go on dates, be worn to parties, concerts and movies. They will be worn to move into my new apartment, and they will be what I put on after my first day at work when I get my new job. I will change into a pair of them after my brothers' weddings. There will be a lot of good that will be seen in these two new pairs of jeans.

Dear Winter

Dear Winter,

We have had good times. I am not going to deny that. Like the calm that washes over everything with that first evening snowfall. The hilarious snowmen. The chance to bring out the winter wardrobe of hats and scarves, so long unworn that they feel new. Good times.

But sweetheart... it's over. I just don't feel the same way anymore. Your fresh white snow trick is no longer cute, it's just another inch on our overburdened roads. And yes it has been nice that your mercury dropping temperatures have deadened that weird ass smell that always comes in off the lake, but it's also deadened all the nerve endings in my fingers.

I know you think if we just try harder we can work this out, but I just can't do it anymore. I'm tired of compromising to you all the time. You just don't give winter, you always have to have it your way. I'm tired of wearing four layers okay?

Please don't cry though, you'll find someone new. Someone who hasn't heard all your jokes, someone who thinks slush is a cute 'quirk' . I wouldn't look at Africa though, she's pretty committed to summer, those two are very long term. But I hear Austrailia is back on the market.

See you around,

Christine

Not as much blood, but a lot more vitamins.

Today I ate a tangelo. It is a fruit I had never heard of, and certainly had never eaten. This week, as established spur of the moment yesterday while grocery shopping, is "Interesting Fruits Week". While not as edge of your seat as "Shark Week", it is, hopefully, much more delicious. Unless you like chum.

I have bought, a tangelo, plum tomatoes (I hear you nay sayers, saying they are vegetables, well they look like a fruit so they qualify to me), a peach, and a tangerine. These are fruits that I do not normally hang out with, but you know what, I have had all my stock in apples for a number of years, and as a result of this unpredictable economy I felt it was high time that I diversify.

Future Me

I wonder sometimes if me and friends will look back on these times with great fondness. If we will sit and reminise about all the layers we used to wear to go to sleep because none of our apartments could hold heat. Or that time one of us had a cockroach problem. Times when things were simpler.

So many mysteries solved

So I have spent the past few days trying to figure out where my punch bowl, with remnants of sour cream and salsa dip, went after the party. Our apartment is not that big, and I had looked in all the logical places.

Recently another mystery developed, why in the hell did our fridge smell funky?

Turns out the two mysteries were very related, and in solving them I also found the answer to a third question that I had never asked! Is the fruit crisper big enough to throughly hide a large punch bowl filled with dip detrius? YES! Is this a good idea? HELL NO.

I can only blame the drinking.

Party and such

I am having a lazy day today. Watching a lot of Charmed, a show I was totally addicted to in high school. It's soundtrack is filled with songs from the first few years in high school, it's a bit odd, hearing these songs, that were hip enough at the time to qualify for appearing on a tv show, but most really have not survived well over time. But it does give me unusual flashbacks where I realize that I am lot further from high school than I realized, which makes me both happy and feel startilingly old.

My party was a sucess, it was nice and cozy, and everyone seemed to have a good time. I relaxed after the food was prepared, and after I drank a couple inches of vodka.

New Years

I am hosting a New Year's Party again this year, mostly because I always freak out about not having plans for New Year's. I always freak out a little before hosting a party, well to be honest I am just always freaking out about something. Today's something is, what will I serve at the party??? I am thinking Brushetta..... some chips... some salsa... and some popcorn. And then that is it. I am out of ideas. I guess I could do a veggie platter. Damn it this is the part of party hosting that I hate, the food part.... and the making sure everyone has fun part.

Tragic

Today I needed to say 'seven' in Spainish. Can only count to 6. Damn you "Pretty Fly For a White Guy"

Living in Excess

I am currently struggiling with the feelings of having too much. Which I have to say is a nice change from my usual complaining of having too little. I believe that this current moral crisis is stemming from two books I recently read; "Not Buying it", about a woman who stopped buying things for a year, and "The Poisonwood Bible", a fictional novel based in Africa, a running theme being the excess of America versus what is considered neccessary in some parts of Africa. Compounding this is the fact that I went Christmas shopping over the weekend, and I was overwhelmed by the amount of things, and people at the mall. HOw can we need so many things? I realized that the whole mall, every square inch of it could be torn down over night (this is assuming an intentional tearing down, wherein everyone who may have been inside exited), and we would all survive. Because everything in there is not a neccessity.

I have at least twice in my life, eaten to the point of throwing up. How can I argue that I do not have enough, when I routinely get told by my body that I have had more than enough? How can I argue that I go without when I am running out of places to put all the things that I am with? One of my professors provided an andecote on the topic that I have never quite forgotten; "a foreign leader was invited to visit Toronto, this man was from a country that was commonly reffered to as a third world country, and he was flown in to see how ties with Canada would help his developing nation. To impress him he was taken down the main street, past the skyscrapers, the billboards, the speedy moving cars, the high powered people, to the main square, a true pulse point of people with it's tv screens, and flashing lights. The intent was to impress him, to show him how advanced our country was. His response was only to ask, "What sadness, what hole exists in all these people, that they are trying so desperatley to fill it with all of these things?" "

Office Gift Exchange

I need to purchase some fun and interesting baking and cooking things for my friend at work for the office gift exchange. I have decided to go to Kitchen Stuff Plus. The problem is I don't know much about baking and what someone would enjoy. If only I knew someone who lived near a Kitchen Stuff plus and enjoyed cooking and could give me advice. And if perhaps they were available on Thursday... If only

What I haven't quite been able to put into words.

On Saturday morning my Grandfather passed away. My cousin sent out a request via Facebook (and maybe other ways I don't know) that we share with her our thoughts and memories about Grandpa because she will be speaking at the funeral. I have copied my response to her request below, mostly because it is the best way I have of explaining where I am coming from right now.


The thing I remember most about Grandpa was his strength. He was a strong man who took pride in what he did, and found joy in his family. He was always ready to laugh and to play along with a joke. He brought joy with his music and loved participating in events and being a part of clubs and committees. He was kind, he was loving and he was gentle. To me he never aged a day, he seemed just as capable and just as strong this year as he did when he was living on the farm twenty years ago. He could make things work without seeming to try, he could make a harmonica sing and make it look easy. I never doubted his abilities in anything, and he made me feel like he never doubted mine.

Grandpa was a joiner, a do-er and a fun-haver, I believe those three are made up words, but I don't think he would have minded, because they are honest, and genuine, like him. He was a good man, and I think I am blessed that he was a part of my life for as long as he was. If I can live to be half the person he was, have just a quarter of the friends he did I would have lived a full life.


There are a million more things I could say about Grandpa, but that is where my words ran out, other than the obvious: he will be missed.

Birthday!

Tomorrow is my birthday!!!! I will be turning 24, and eating crepes.

I have some birthday resolutions:

1. Smile because it happened, don't cry because it is over: I have trouble with this old addage, I tend to sob over the ending of eras, and the leaving of old stages. and really this isn't helping me. I am going to get older, and move on from things, so I might as well start finding joy in it.

2. Monthly check in: I am going to set a time aside once a month for me to sit down with me. It will be a time to stop and reflect on the past month, and a time to plan the month ahead, with a focus on things to do to achieve my goals. I have been finding for the past little while that it does not feel like I keep up with time. I'll be thinking it is the 7th and it will turn out it's the 25th, of October, when really, I still thought it was August. I want a time to touch base with myself, to take some time to appreciate what I am doing, and to plan what I will do.

3. Don't compare my insides to other people's outsides: I constantly feel inferior to others, because everyone else seems to get through life with such ease and grace. Recently I have been told by a few people that I always come across as confident, which to me is odd, because I usually feel like a giant ball of awkward. This makes me think that the ease and gracey people, are really just as terrified as I am on the inside.


I am now going to shower, as I just fenced for 3 hours. I would prefer to enter my new life year, not being smelly and gross.

Booky things

I got to head home to my hometown last weekend, and got to make a glorious stop at the library. I took out, at the recommendation of my cousin 'Love in the time of Cholera' and a few other books. Including 'Odd Hours' by Dean Koontz. It is the fourth book he has written about the same character, andI really enjoy how he writes for this character, so I am always pleasently surprised when there is another book about him, especially since I believe it was originally intended as a stand alone novel.

I am reading 'Love in the Time of Cholera' right now, it has a bit of a slow start, but it's mostly because the writer is clearly creating an entire world, down to the smallest detail. I find that when authors do I don't always get into the book right away but about halfway through I hit the 'can't put it down, not even when I am walking' phase. What was weird though was that I was at page 60 and a co-worker asked if it was a good book, and I had absolutely no idea yet.

Fencing and Brunching

I fenced on Saturday at a team tournament. It was a lot of fun and we went farther than we thought we would. We thought we would get kicked out pretty early because our team wasn't very good. Realistically if I am the second best fencer on the team, it's not a good thing. But we fenced and we had fun and we learned things. I also go to eat Pizza Hut, which is always good.

I had brunch today downtown, we squished seven people into a table for four. Condiments ended up being stored on the floor and any unneccesary plates were immediatly jettionsed. It was a squishy, but a friendly, good squishy. I then wandered in Indigo with one of my book friends. Her and I like a lot of the same types of books and she is very good at recommending new books. I didn't buy anything but I got lots of ideas for new books to get at the library. But now I am sad because I just realized I don't have any books to read tonight.

I met up with Heather while I was downtown and came out to my place together. We had a very good night, it's fun to relax with Heather. She doesn't mind if I am scatterbrained and my room's a mess. We also ate ice cream.... just try to pretend you're not jealous.


I was supposed to get a lot of things done today, but I didn't because of the impromptu all after noon brunch and book browsing. But I am happy. I went with the flow instead of thinking about all the things I had to do. I was good.

Helpful Info

So usually I wak up at 6:00 am. My alarm did not go off this morning, I did not wake up until 6:20. I got everything done that I usually do in the morning... and I have time to blog.... I am thinking I do have time to do yoga in the mornings.

Fencing Practice

My awesome fencing streak continued at tonight's practice. I was able to apply during a match a couple new skills I have been working on! That is huge for me. A couple people commented that my fencing was coming along. It was also great to be able to wear almost entirely my own equipment. It was nice to know that all the sweat was mine.

Message to cousin..... You should go back to work now!

Fencing Tournament

I had an awesome time at my fencing tournament yesterday. I had not really been looking forward to it because I have been struggiling so much in fencing lately. In fact I didn't win a single match in my last tournament.

At this past tournament I won two matches! And I actually won them with a plan, not just mindless flailing. In the second round (the furthest I have ever made it, because everyone makes it that far) I did the best that I have ever done. I was neck and neck with my opponent to continue to the next round.

I also got to spend some great quality time with my Dad because he drove me to and from the tournament.

All in all it was a very good day.

Yeesh. Cousin. Harsh. And yet I post,

Fencing was frustrating. the drills went well and I was fine doing the footwork. But when it came to actual free fencing, it was like I had never fenced before. Actually beginners are often hard to beat. But I was very easy to beat. all I seemed capable of doing was sticking my blade out maybe wiggiling it a little. No parrying. No reposting. Just panic. Very frustrating.

Mission Accomplished

As of Friday the 10th, at right about the time that I wrote the post just below this one, I successfully managed to blog everyday for a whole month! Yay! I found that setting such a goal was a great way to get me back to blogging. I mean they weren't all great, if you post every day they won't all be gems you see. But I actually blogged more than twice in one month, which is like a record for the past year.

So yippee for my bloggery.

Tragedy

So today I got some life altering information. For my whole life I thought the dishwasher filled up completly, like the washing machine does. Apparently it's more of a shower like situation. I don't think I can adequately describe how dissappointed I am by this turn of events.

Blah

Fencing practice was frustrating last night. The warm up and core strengthening was kind of brutal. Then I worked with a beginner fencer during the drills, which was nice because it is fun to teach beginners. But when we started applying the skills in boutes I couldn't keep up, because I had not done the exercise. I left fencing feeling useless and terrible, not a good mind space to be when I have a tournament next weekend.

At last nights training we had a guest speaker, who dicussed what it is like to live with bipolar I disorder. He told us what it was like to live with mania, depression and what it was like to be hospitalized because of psychotic breaks. The medication that he is currently on to help control his moods causes his hands and legs to shake all the time. At the end of his talk he, almost causually, said that while he has had to struggle a lot more than most, there are so many good things to experience in this world that the struggle has been worth it.

A sleepy view of the world.

I think I need to stop promising myself that I will be back to bed soon, every time I wake up in the morning. This has the effect of making everything I do all day, just something to accomplish before I go back to bed. This sort of puts the whole day in a bad light. I have tried taking a moment in the morning to think about all the good parts of the day, but I always risk just falling back to sleep when I lie in bed. A change in perspective definetly seems neccessary.

More training tonight which should be interesting.

Recipe for Success

So I have this recipe I really like making, and more importantly I really like eating it. It is based on the Cheese Cappeletti at East Side Mario's.

Here is the recipe;

You take some cheese stuffed ravioli, the more types of cheese stuffed in there, the better.

You take a four cheese tomatoe sauce and a four cheese alfredo sauce. You mix them together until they are pinkish and taste good.

You pour the sauce over the cooked pasta in a casserole type dish. (This part always gives me pause, because I really hate casserolles) and then you grate different types of cheese over it. You grate whatever type of cheese you happen to have in your fridge, well whatever type of mold-free cheese you have. Then you put in the oven so the cheese on top gets all melty and gooey! It's delicious. And I found a way to make it better tonight! I added another layer of cheese in between some of the pasta. I did not honestly think that I could get more cheese into this recipe... and then I did. Aim for the moon children, cause you'll land amongst the stars.

WARNING: this recipe is not for the lactose intolerant... or the vegan.

A COMPARISON OF COGNITIVE THERAPY, APPLIED RELAXATION AND IMIPRAMINE IN THE TREA

The title of this post came up on the auto-complete thing that windows provides. I went with it.

I loved Nuit Blanche last night. It was a great night to be a part of. It felt good exploring things I don't normally do. And seeing parts of the city I don't normally see. It was nice being out late at night and wandering around, but having enough people around that it felt safe. Heather was an excellent tour guide. I hope she didn't mind being the planner of our destinations, she just seemed to have a natural ability to plan out our trip so we got to see the most stuff. I would blog about the exhibits, but I am not feeling it right now.

I went shopping with my Mom most of today. It was awesome. I love spending time with my Mom. My Mom is very good at finding her way around the mall and she was very helpful in my quest to find some sweaters for work, so I can look professional and the such. Sasdly we could not find her a coat. THERE IS A BATH AND BODY WORKS IN YORKDALE! I got soap that I have always wanted, that I always envined whenever I washed my hands in America.

Is this post rambly and uninteresting? Well it should because I am on the phone and posting so there we go. Can't do two things at once.

New sweater day for work tomorrow! And my hands will smell like cool cucumber. Perhaps I will throw on a little makeup, my new coat and be the total career woman.

Goal Updates

So because I do a lot of general complaining about how I amn directionless, without a future and what not, I will now take a moment to acknowledge some progress. Because it is just unfair to you lovely readers (and by that I believe I am including all five people who read this blog) to hear all the compliants but none of the joy.

1. Goal: Volunteer. I have wanted to volunteer since moving into this apartment a year ago. Actually I have wanted to volunteer since first year, but it has felt rather urgent that I do so since moving out. Now I am finnally in training to volunteer with an organization on a regular basis. This is awesome because it means I am working towards both career discovery and something I have considered a life goal. My training with the help-line has been going well, it is very interesting and looks like the help line is a great resource for many people.

2. Goal: Exploring more of the opportunities in Toronto. I always feel like I am not taking advantage of all the city has to offer. Like going to an all you can buffett but just drinking water. So I have started exploring the city, keeping my eyes open on street cars and checking out different shops and neighbourhoods. I have also checked out Toronto festivals, I went to busker fest, the word on teh street festival, and tonight I will be doing nuit blance with Heather and some friends.

So there we go people, I am making progress! Yay me!

I wrote this post with only one eye open.

I had dinner with Heather and Judy tonight. It was weird realizing I had not seen Judy since high school. I didn't realize that I had never seen her in the interim. I don't know how to spell that word. I also don't know how to not read blogs for an hour longer than I intended to, and then be really sleepy.

Sleeeeeeeepy

Fencing last night went really well last night. One of our coaches has decided that all of us our out of shape and weak. So for two weeks in a row he has a run a brutal warm up session. I stopped feeling bad about collapsing mid-pushup when I saw one of the other fencers, who has an awesome gun-show, also collapse while doing pushups. I want to jog more to get into better shape and improve my stamina, but I am kind of stuck as to when to do so. I don't particularly want to do it in the mornings, but that seems like when I would most routinely get time to do so. But the mornings are just so damn early.

Time Change

So this morning I was going to blog about how training went last night, and how I think it will be very helpful and I will learn skills that I can apply throughout my whole life. Except this morning, when I went to feed Finnigan, I spilt half a bottle of flakes into his bowl. So I had to spend like 10 minutes fruitlessly trying to net the food out of his bowl. The bowl that I just cleaned yesterday. I therefore do not have enough time to write about the training.

Training Day

I start training today for the telephone helpline. I am a little bit nervous about working the helpline. Hopefully the training will really help me. Other than that not much going on today, work, training, oooh and Admiral Finnigan will get his first tank cleaning.


Could you stand such an exciting day? I didn't think so. You have to be pretty extreme to handle such an action packed day.

To Pesto

Tonight for the first time ever, I had pesto. Okay that is not true. I have had pesto before, but it has always been mixed with other things. I was not aware that all of the awesomeness was coming entirely from the pesto. What follows, is an open letter to pesto.

Dearest Pesto,

I am sorry for not appreciating you all these years. I am sorry that I have not been dipping french bread in you. I am sorry I have not been tossing pasta in you all summer, for a light summery feel that still has a little flair to it. I am sorry that I have never put you on a burger, for I know it would be a taste sensation. I am sorry I had not previously mixed you with feta and put you on a pita. Pesto, my neglect has done both of us a disservice. And for that I can never apologize enough.

Love always,

Christine.

Book Festival

I got to go to Word on the Street today. It is a book and magazine festival held in in downtown Toronto. Heather and I went and it was pretty good. The only thing was it was quite crowded so it was a bit hard to get to all the tables. I tend to like to linger while book shopping and that wasn't really possible. It was a nice day though and definelty worth checking out.

Kitten Cuddiling and then I call you lame

I had an awesome day today. I got to meet up with my friend Laura where she works. Laura works at an animal hospital that takes in stray kittens. I got to meet Floyd who is so happy about not having to live on the street and not having flees that he purrs all the time. He purs if you snuggle him, he purrs while he eats, he even purrs while he goes to the bathroom. After I put him back in his cage he stood in the corner and purred, nothing was happening, he just wanted to show the corner how much he appreciated it.

After the kittens Laura and I went to the mall and I got a coat! YAY! Take that all the people who said I looked homeless, I am now hip, professional AND warm. Ha.

Then Laura and I went out to Swiss Challet for dinner and then we went to our good friend Travis's birthday. We played video games and drank martinis. If that is not your idea of an awesome party, please don't invite me. Or talk to me... cause clearly you are lame.

Privileged

I really loved 'Privileged' a new show I watched on Tuesday. It had Sheianne from Reba, another show I loved. It had cute story lines, it's not a show that makes you smarter, but it is what the critics call 'heart warming'.

It also reminded me so much of myself. How we always wore our designer dresses to school. And how Shashi had her annual start of the year party on her yacht. Good times.

Admiral Finnigan: Status Report

Admiral Finnigan has a very awesome bubble nest going on. I am pretty sure it has wall to wall carpeting and a sunken living room. It would appear that my vain little fish is secure enough in his sourroundings, and himself of course, that he is trying very hard to attract a mate. I don't think I am going to tell him that there is no female Betta on her way.

I tried to clean out the uneaten food off the top of his water yesterday. Usually I just do a good sweep at the top of the water with his net. Except he swam in the net. On purpose. This fish has no survival instincts at all.

Better

Last night, after having a good freak out, I ordered in dinner. I watched House and Privileged. And oh my gosh it was so good to just relax for the night. I didn't try to accomplish anything or pursue any goal. I just ate some delicious food, that I didn't make, and watched some TV without organizing anything while doing so. I didn't do dishes, I didn't make my lunch or pack up for fencing. I didn't even hang up my work clothes. I just vegged. I feel so much better this morning. I forget sometimes that it isn't always better to fight against a freak out, sometimes it's better to let it happen, and then it's over. And then it's important to relax, and realize you don't have to sort out your whole life in one night.

Okay so....

So I think I have figured out most of the issue.

I am tired. I am tired of the routine and the schedule and mostly I am worn out.

I am giving myself the night off to mope.

Blah

I tried to buy a coat today and I was unsuccesful. Apparently I am not supposed to own a coat this year. My apartment smells because the people below me have shut all their windows and are cooking things that smell like crap. I am tired of making dinner and lunches. I am tired of washing laundry and vacuuming.

Fish = still swimming. I, on the other hand, am not doing so swimmingly.

Ask and ye shall recieve AND get to work on time

Recently at work the office radio station was changed to the radio station I listen to at home. Originally I thought this was awesome because I was so tired of the easy listening radio station. Unfortunately I have found that listening to the same station all day at work and then at home is way too repetitive. They play the same songs over and over again and the same commercials. And in the evening they switch over to a broadcast that is based in New York. I am not in New York so this frustrates me.

I was on the subway this morning thinking about how I need to find a new radio station to listen to at home. Something jazzy, but not all jazz. Something that would help me unwind from work and not remind of work. And a station with a good news source so I can find out if there is an emergency of some sort. My parents have suggested a station but I think it is all jazz. So I was agonizing over what would obvisously be an endless perhaps lifetime long search when I realized that my entire subway car was devoted to the revamping of CBC radio 2. Every last ad, from the banners on the top to the poster ads on the side of the cars were devoted to Radio 2, which features an eccletic mix of upbeat music types that (and this was seriously in the ad) will help you unwind from your work day. It was like the subway system heard my thoughts and answered me in the form of subway ads.

Admiral Finnigan is eating! He is eating flakes! And swimming! a lot! Go Fin!

Admiral Finnigan!

I have a new Betta Fish! His name is Admiral Finnigan. I figured he would be in the navy, because I expected him to be like Freddy and be fearlessly territorial. Freddy would even attack me, even though I could totally take him. Cause I was like 5 feet taller than him.... and I can breathe air. Finnigan is a frady fish though, he swims away a lot. If he keeps up his frightened ways I may need to bump him down a couple rankings.


Finnigan is just getting used to his new home. He has a bigger bowl than what he had in the pet store. And he has some nice rocks, which were sterizled today by pouring boiling water over them, and he has a plant for him to hide in. He is not eating yet which has me a little nervous, but I just put him in his new home today so maybe he is still getting settled in.

He is a deep red colour. I wanted a red fish because Freddy was blue, so I wanted a fish that would not feel like I was replacing Freddy. I call him Freddy once in a while by accident though.

Weird, right now he is one corner of his bowl stairing at his relection in the glass. It is like he is hypnotized by himself. Maybe Finnigan is a vain fish. He was one of the prettier fishes.

Dinner with Mike

Every once in awhile when I go back home my schedule matches up with Mike's, my best friend from grade school so we go out for dinner to catch up. Every time we do this though, we can never choose where. We spend the whole day trying to think of places, throwing out suggestions, asking other people if they know of anywhere good. Every time we end up going to East Side Mario's. We always read the menu, front to back, debate and agonize over what we should order; if we are in a pizza mood that night or if we want to try their new special. Every time we order the same meals. After dinner we agonize over what we should go do; should we go to the movies, if so what movie, should we go to a bar, or maybe we should mini putt. Every time we end up at Tim Horton's and talk for hours. And absolutely every time I have an awesome time with my best friend Mike.

Temperature

On the hook on the back of my door I hang a beach towel. I use it when I want to go read on the beach. On the same hook I have a scarf, I keep it out because lately it has been chilly in the mornings. I feel this situation epitomizes the weather we have been having lately; a beach towel and winter scarf hanging on the same hook.

Mornings

There is a man who lives on my street who drives a motorcycle. He parks it on the street near my house. And he idles this motorcycle every morning. I don't know much about motorcycles so I don't know if you have to warm it up for 10 minutes before you ride it, or if it has to sound like a 100 gun salute while it's warming up, but I do know about sleep, and that I like it. He idles his motorcycle at about 7 in the morning, while I am usually up at this time on week days I know that this is not always the case. He also idles it on Saturday and Sunday mornings as well. I have never met this man, so I know about as much about him as I know about motorcycles, but I have a very strong feeling that I would not like him.

Practice

I had an excellent practive tonight. We worked with a new sabre coach who will probably be with us for the school year. To see how we fence he broke every movement down to it's pieces, from how we held our head to where our point should be. It was awesome learning the precise placement of our feet. I learned a lot of that stuff when I first started fencing, but I didn't really grasp it all and I got lazy. While free fencing I was able to do a stop-cut (a move I have been working on for months) on a girl who is quite good. I was actually able to match her point for point while fencing her. Huge improvements all around!

Wednesday Mornings

Wednesday evenings I have fencing practice. Every Wednesday morning I don't want to go to fencing. I believe this is because almost every morning I don't want to get out of bed. Usually I start making bargains with myself that as soon as work is over I will come home and go to bed. Except on Wednesdays I know I can't do that. So every Wednesday morning I tell myself I am going to quit fencing and spend my life in bed.

Volunteering

After a year of saying that I will volunteer someonewhere I have finnally made active steps towards doing it. It is something different from what I have done before, (I am being consciously vague on this) which is good but also a bit scary. I do not know if I will be able to do what the position involves, but the only way I will know will be to try. It only requires a one night a week commitment which is good, and in a time slot that actually fits my schedule.

There are many reasons I want to volunteer, one of the lesser reasons is so that I will be less self-absorbed. It is not so much that I want to help other people so I realize how much I have, but I think that actively making time to focus on people outside my daily life will give me a chance to seperate from the thoughts I think all day every day, and will hopefully give me a new perspective.

Overheard on the Streetcar

Riding eastbound on the streetcar I sat near a 5 year old boy (his birthday is seven days away!!!) and his mom:

Boy: Can we go to the park?

Mom: No, but we can go tomorrow

Boy: Today IS tomorrow!!!!


That kid is hella deep yo.

Freddy - RIP

Freddy the fish is dead. And I don't think this is the kind of dead that you get over, like the internet suggested it would be. Freddy is no longer lying on his side on the bottom of the bowl, he is floating, on the top of his water. And doing something which I think is frequently called 'decomposing'. I will miss Freddy, he was my first pet ever. I will get another fish, eventually. I think maybe a red one, because Freddy was blue.

Friday night

I went out last night with a few friends to celebrate and as a farewell gathering. One of my friend's sister spent the summer in the hospital she is out now and getting stronger. My other friend is leaving for London (England) for a year. Visiting her will be difficult. 5 of us got together, and went out to a crowded bar. It was as a great time, where we weren't out to impress people or pick up or anything, just out to have fun.

We made it back to one of their apartment's where three of us all fell asleep in the same bed (well one was on the floor, but she was next to the bed). I lived with the two girls in my first year, it was odd realizing that we our entering our 6th year of knowing each other. As I was falling asleep last night, (or passing out, whichever you want to call it), sharing covers with a good friend, I remembered how scarred I was in first year, that I wouldn't make friends and that I would be lonely. I want to go back and hug that girl, the scarred me, and tell her that it will all be okay. It may not work out quite the way you think, and there will some very bad times, but oh my gosh it is overwhelmingly good. But I don't own a time machine (not one that I can use without risking a tear in the space time continuum) so instead of going back to hug the me from Frosh week, I'll just tell the now-me these things when I get scared.

things are not looking good...

things are not looking good for my fish. He is lying down.... the internet said that this was okay, that they frequently wake up from this.... but I don't know. This makes me a little bit sad. He is my buddy. Poor fish. I feel like perhaps I failed him.

Virus

My computer has a virus... it causes windows to pop up. Seriously who gets a pop-up virus? It's like I just started hanging out on the internet or something. I did a virus sweep with AVG but I am not sure if it killed it or not. Nothing seems to be happening right now but I fear that it is secretly ravaging my computer without me knowing it, and one morning I am going to wake up and my computer with have exploded.

I want to reformat but I don't know how with this comptuer, this doesn't come with a disk... I think I just have to ask it nicely and maybe then it will reformat.

Freddy

I am worried about the mental stability of my fish. It is coming up on his one year anniversary with me. He doesn't seem to want to eat anymore and he just swims aggressively around his bowl or he sleeps. He also stopped making bubble nests, therefore he does not feel like he's worthy of attracting a mate. Maybe he has finnally realized that his world is less than 3 feet square. That would upset me.

Beach thoughts

Every day when I am coming home, either from work or from being out with friends, I want to keep heading past my house and go straight to the beach. But I never do. Because I am too tired, or I have too much to do. Today I realized that that is what is standing in the way of me getting things done. Believing that I don't have enough time to do something, and that I can always do it later, is costing me awesome experiences right now.

So today, after going out to dinner with a former co-worker, I went to the beach. I love the sight of the sun setting, and the night was so crisp, it felt easy to breathe. On the beach there was a little boy who waved at everyone he walked by and everyone waved back. On the way back from the beach I walked past a bar that had live music and no windows. Two men on guitar were playing "Don't Worry, Be Happy" and the song filled the street. I wandered over and one of the guitarists waved to me. I went home in a much better mood than I had been in all day.

Wedding Today

Heading out to a wedding today. Usually I love weddings, and I have been very excited about this wedding. Yesterday it felt like today was filled with magic. Now I am just nervous, I am not sure why.

I have loved my week off. It feels like it has been longer. It feels like it has been forever since I was in my life downtown. It has given me a break from my routine, which is good. I get lost in my routines, working hard to maintain them, without realizing that the routines, while maintaining me are not improving me.

I think I have come away from this with a little more clarity.

So I really do hate my internet connection

I apologize for not posting more often. I am really not amused with Rogers. They kinda really suck. They have replaced the cable that runs to our apartment to give us internet, this was expected to fix everything. It has fixed nothing as far as we can tell. This has been most frustrating. When I am online all I can really do is check my email and facebook before I get too frustrated. To send an email it usually cuts out about 5 times. And then if I hit send it cuts out and then it doesn't remember what I wrote. By the time I get around to blogging I am just too frustrated.

The painting went great! The blue really came out well, and I did not end up needing stencils. I found words that you can apply to the wall (kind of like stickers) and then remove when I move. The room feels a bit more like me now.

I am on vacation this week. I am out enjoying the sun. Or I will be. today it was rainy.

There is more I am sure, but right now I am sleepy

Painting Day!

Today my Dad is coming over to help me paint my room. And by help me paint I mean my Dad will probably end up doing most of the work.

I am excited, this means I will finnally be able to put more pictures up. Although I haven't found stencils yet like I wanted to put near the top of my wall, but I will.

I had been avoiding painting because I was afraid that I would choose the wrong colour and would hate it. Then I realized that a life lived in fear is a life half lived. Well I didn't so much realize that as much as I watched Strickly Ballroom

freak out

I am currently experincing one of those freak outs that starts about one thing in particular and then rapidly becomes about how you have wasted your whole entire life and it is too late now because everyone else is so vastly far ahead in every facet (from life choices to ability to pick the type of kleenex) that it is just better if you give up entirely. (the 'you' in that paragraph was obviously a figurative you and not you, but if you read it like that perhaps you also need to start meditating).

While being envious of everyone's everything I am simultaneously dissappointed in an all encompassing everything. My crappy internet that cannot stay linked for more than 5 minutes, my landlord who does not fix anything except really really bad smelling food. The courier service at work who can't seem to understand the concept of overnight and of course the sheer existence of other people.

It has been a bit of an angry day today.

Please though do not think I include your existence in the category of "things that are making me angry" unless it is you who is making my internet cut out (or if it is you that is making fish for the third night in a row below me) I love each and every last one of you.

Yeah sometimes I still blog

I wish I was more creative. Or I am creative but I am not sure where my niche is. Maybe I should start playing the cello. Is that even how you spell that?

I am out of things right now.

Shoes

I bought shoes! I finnaly found shoes that are cute, durable, and comfortable. They were even under a hundred dollars! Actually my Mom found them, she and I went shopping and after being dragged to many a store so that I could look at all the shoes in the store (every store) my Mom was able to identify the perfect pair of shoes! I am so excited.

I really really wish I had a copy of that song 'New Shoes' it would be so very apporopriate. I am so excited.

There is currently the biggest house centipede in my sink. I am freaking out. I think it may eat me.