There is a hole in my bucket, dear Liza a hole.

Christine would appreciate it if she had something to look forward to.*

Thank you.

* Please note that Christine acknowledges the need for an individual to be proactive in creating opportunities in his/her own life. She is just feeling a little bit run down at the moment.

The no blogging is as a result of the library

I haven't blogged much lately, and I blame the reading.

I have developed this habit of putting books on hold throught the library system. It started when I discovered that there is a library located right near a subway stop that is routinely on my way to other things (as opposed to the library that is near me, which is actually out of the way of my every day life) . I also found out that the library system will gladly bring books to the library of my choosing! I just go online, ask them to bring a book to my library AND THEY DO IT!!!! As a result of this I have read over 10 books in about three weeks.

I must say that for all the hype and all the people saying, that you have to read it because it will change your life, Eat Pray Love was still a really good read. And the Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night Time, also very good.

Odds and Ends

I spent today cleaning and tidying and organizing. Although I did not vacuum. I also listened to a lot of CBC Radio 2. It has yet to let me down. Oh! I also added my Life List to the blog. If I remember correctly it is over there --> ish. I had been meaning to add it for a while, and Ithought I was going to have to bust out my limited knowledge of html, and then blogger was all up ons with a widget for list making! Way to go blogger. The Life List is not complete but it does highlight my desire to learn how to dive. Not just dive once, but actually have the knowledge of how to do it over and over again, even if I haave not done it for awhile. My Dad has patiently spent hours trying to teach me (much like he did with bike riding) but it has not taken. The tricky bit is I refuse to learn in my pool at home, because it specifically says "no diving, shallow water, risk of paralysis" so you know, I'm weird like that.

Sunday Morning

Its Sunday morning and I am Heather's, abusing my unmonitored access to her laptop. She left for work already, I had to stay at the apartment as the subway does not run until after 9 on Sundays. It has been a good morning. There is sunlight, there is quiet and there is cats. And a pretty laptop. I feel like I am on vacation in Heather's life.

Book Club

I attended my first ever meeting of a book club! We were to have read Hunting and Gathering. By someone. It was a good book, very good. I should mention at this point that our book club is seriously considering being renamed Team Sangria.

I was one of two people who had read the book. This is the first book club I have ever been a part of. In fact my cousin is the only other person I can think of who is in a book club. Except my Mom, who does Bible study. Which is like being part of a book club, except you only really talk about the one book.

Okay my apartment smellls seriously funky as a result of my landloard. but still a very good day.

Mass murder on a Sunday Afternoon

For the past month our fridge has not been a pleasent area of the apartment to visit. Whenever the door was opened a smell wafted out that rivaled a composter. Turns out, it was because things were composting in there!

I cleared my schedual and for the first time since we moved in, our fridge got a thourough scrub down. All previous clean outs had been a simple matter of opening containers and seeing if there was new life growing in it. This cleanout included taking out all racking and drawers and washinging them/scrubbing them/scrapping the congealed mass of whatever the hell got stuck to them. And of course a whole bunch of moldy things were thrown out. I feel kinda bad, because those were a whole lots of new breeds of things I kind of killed. One of them may have cured the common cold. Or caused it.

In the end it turns out it was my ricotta cheese that was causing the unholy smell. It had somehow turned a weird shade of pink.

So much easier to find

I don't remember where it was that I heard it, if it was a passing comment by a DJ or am hilarious zing by a character on a sitcom. But someone, somewhere said; "What are you going to do? Stay home and alphabetize your Cd's?" in such a derisive tone it was more than clear that this was the epitome of pathetic. For some reason this comment has stuck with me. Whenever I get to thinking something like I should stay in and clean out my closet, this comment runs through the back of my mind.

I know I care too much about what people think. But recently I have started to realize how much I let what other people might think affect my life. I make choices as to what to do with my time and my resources based on how I believe other people will perceive me. This is not only unhealthy, but stupid. Realistically, no one really cares all that much.

I have decided that this needs to stop. It will be slow going probably, as old habits are hard to break, but I am going to make a concerted effort to stop imagining how other people will see my actions.

It is my Saturday night, and if I want to spend it organizing my shoes then that is what I will do. Because you know what? My Cd's ARE alphabetized! By CATEGORY! And you know what else? It's damn fucking efficient.

ART!

So I meandered into an art supply store while waiting to meet up with a friend. I tend to do this a lot, there is something about being around millions of different coloured pencils that makes me happy.

I wandered back into where they keep the preframed canvas. Lately I have been wanting to paint. I don't know why I have this urge. I haven't painted anything since nursery school. I have been fighting the urge because of the prohibitive cost of buying a canvas and other supplies. I wandered through the canvases in search of a price list. Did you know you can buy a canvas for like 5 bucks? That's practically free!!!

I am so buying a canvas and pretty paint and finger painting!

Internet, you are jealous.

An ode to some pants

A couple of years back I bought two pairs of jeans. Glorious jeans. They became my every day jeans. My, wear-them-to-breakfast-class-dinner-library jeans. I read textbooks in those jeans, went to parties and bars in those jeans, and on more than one occasion, slept in those jeans. Those two pairs of jeans have seen me through the last year of school, from the summer before it, straight through to two years after it. I wore a pair of them to drop off my resignation letter at Canadian Tire, and I wore a pair to my first day at work (I chagned when I got there) . These jeans have been on dates, been to exams, graduation parties and house warming parties. I moved into my apartment wearing one of these hardworking jeans. These were some damn good jeans.

About three months after I owned them I walked through the bottom of them, the cuffs were frayed beyoned repair. Over time the jeans started to fade, even some of the belt loops tore. But still we soldiered on my jeans and I. A month ago the zipper broke on one of them, one of the teeth fell off, stopping the zipper in its tracks. Two weeks after that I noticed that a hole had worn through the butt on the other pair. It appears my jeans knew my weak point, they claimed retirement because of their willingness to expose my underwear.

So two weekends ago, with my Mom's awesome help, I bought two new pairs of everyday jeans. They are the right size and length and colour. they have already been worn to work, out to dinner and to two house parties. They watched as our fencing team swept the OUA finals. I was wearing the boot cut version when I got some awesome news from a very good friend of mine. These jeans will see me through the next little while, they will go on dates, be worn to parties, concerts and movies. They will be worn to move into my new apartment, and they will be what I put on after my first day at work when I get my new job. I will change into a pair of them after my brothers' weddings. There will be a lot of good that will be seen in these two new pairs of jeans.

Dear Winter

Dear Winter,

We have had good times. I am not going to deny that. Like the calm that washes over everything with that first evening snowfall. The hilarious snowmen. The chance to bring out the winter wardrobe of hats and scarves, so long unworn that they feel new. Good times.

But sweetheart... it's over. I just don't feel the same way anymore. Your fresh white snow trick is no longer cute, it's just another inch on our overburdened roads. And yes it has been nice that your mercury dropping temperatures have deadened that weird ass smell that always comes in off the lake, but it's also deadened all the nerve endings in my fingers.

I know you think if we just try harder we can work this out, but I just can't do it anymore. I'm tired of compromising to you all the time. You just don't give winter, you always have to have it your way. I'm tired of wearing four layers okay?

Please don't cry though, you'll find someone new. Someone who hasn't heard all your jokes, someone who thinks slush is a cute 'quirk' . I wouldn't look at Africa though, she's pretty committed to summer, those two are very long term. But I hear Austrailia is back on the market.

See you around,

Christine

Not as much blood, but a lot more vitamins.

Today I ate a tangelo. It is a fruit I had never heard of, and certainly had never eaten. This week, as established spur of the moment yesterday while grocery shopping, is "Interesting Fruits Week". While not as edge of your seat as "Shark Week", it is, hopefully, much more delicious. Unless you like chum.

I have bought, a tangelo, plum tomatoes (I hear you nay sayers, saying they are vegetables, well they look like a fruit so they qualify to me), a peach, and a tangerine. These are fruits that I do not normally hang out with, but you know what, I have had all my stock in apples for a number of years, and as a result of this unpredictable economy I felt it was high time that I diversify.

Future Me

I wonder sometimes if me and friends will look back on these times with great fondness. If we will sit and reminise about all the layers we used to wear to go to sleep because none of our apartments could hold heat. Or that time one of us had a cockroach problem. Times when things were simpler.

So many mysteries solved

So I have spent the past few days trying to figure out where my punch bowl, with remnants of sour cream and salsa dip, went after the party. Our apartment is not that big, and I had looked in all the logical places.

Recently another mystery developed, why in the hell did our fridge smell funky?

Turns out the two mysteries were very related, and in solving them I also found the answer to a third question that I had never asked! Is the fruit crisper big enough to throughly hide a large punch bowl filled with dip detrius? YES! Is this a good idea? HELL NO.

I can only blame the drinking.

Party and such

I am having a lazy day today. Watching a lot of Charmed, a show I was totally addicted to in high school. It's soundtrack is filled with songs from the first few years in high school, it's a bit odd, hearing these songs, that were hip enough at the time to qualify for appearing on a tv show, but most really have not survived well over time. But it does give me unusual flashbacks where I realize that I am lot further from high school than I realized, which makes me both happy and feel startilingly old.

My party was a sucess, it was nice and cozy, and everyone seemed to have a good time. I relaxed after the food was prepared, and after I drank a couple inches of vodka.

New Years

I am hosting a New Year's Party again this year, mostly because I always freak out about not having plans for New Year's. I always freak out a little before hosting a party, well to be honest I am just always freaking out about something. Today's something is, what will I serve at the party??? I am thinking Brushetta..... some chips... some salsa... and some popcorn. And then that is it. I am out of ideas. I guess I could do a veggie platter. Damn it this is the part of party hosting that I hate, the food part.... and the making sure everyone has fun part.

Tragic

Today I needed to say 'seven' in Spainish. Can only count to 6. Damn you "Pretty Fly For a White Guy"

Living in Excess

I am currently struggiling with the feelings of having too much. Which I have to say is a nice change from my usual complaining of having too little. I believe that this current moral crisis is stemming from two books I recently read; "Not Buying it", about a woman who stopped buying things for a year, and "The Poisonwood Bible", a fictional novel based in Africa, a running theme being the excess of America versus what is considered neccessary in some parts of Africa. Compounding this is the fact that I went Christmas shopping over the weekend, and I was overwhelmed by the amount of things, and people at the mall. HOw can we need so many things? I realized that the whole mall, every square inch of it could be torn down over night (this is assuming an intentional tearing down, wherein everyone who may have been inside exited), and we would all survive. Because everything in there is not a neccessity.

I have at least twice in my life, eaten to the point of throwing up. How can I argue that I do not have enough, when I routinely get told by my body that I have had more than enough? How can I argue that I go without when I am running out of places to put all the things that I am with? One of my professors provided an andecote on the topic that I have never quite forgotten; "a foreign leader was invited to visit Toronto, this man was from a country that was commonly reffered to as a third world country, and he was flown in to see how ties with Canada would help his developing nation. To impress him he was taken down the main street, past the skyscrapers, the billboards, the speedy moving cars, the high powered people, to the main square, a true pulse point of people with it's tv screens, and flashing lights. The intent was to impress him, to show him how advanced our country was. His response was only to ask, "What sadness, what hole exists in all these people, that they are trying so desperatley to fill it with all of these things?" "

Office Gift Exchange

I need to purchase some fun and interesting baking and cooking things for my friend at work for the office gift exchange. I have decided to go to Kitchen Stuff Plus. The problem is I don't know much about baking and what someone would enjoy. If only I knew someone who lived near a Kitchen Stuff plus and enjoyed cooking and could give me advice. And if perhaps they were available on Thursday... If only

What I haven't quite been able to put into words.

On Saturday morning my Grandfather passed away. My cousin sent out a request via Facebook (and maybe other ways I don't know) that we share with her our thoughts and memories about Grandpa because she will be speaking at the funeral. I have copied my response to her request below, mostly because it is the best way I have of explaining where I am coming from right now.


The thing I remember most about Grandpa was his strength. He was a strong man who took pride in what he did, and found joy in his family. He was always ready to laugh and to play along with a joke. He brought joy with his music and loved participating in events and being a part of clubs and committees. He was kind, he was loving and he was gentle. To me he never aged a day, he seemed just as capable and just as strong this year as he did when he was living on the farm twenty years ago. He could make things work without seeming to try, he could make a harmonica sing and make it look easy. I never doubted his abilities in anything, and he made me feel like he never doubted mine.

Grandpa was a joiner, a do-er and a fun-haver, I believe those three are made up words, but I don't think he would have minded, because they are honest, and genuine, like him. He was a good man, and I think I am blessed that he was a part of my life for as long as he was. If I can live to be half the person he was, have just a quarter of the friends he did I would have lived a full life.


There are a million more things I could say about Grandpa, but that is where my words ran out, other than the obvious: he will be missed.

Birthday!

Tomorrow is my birthday!!!! I will be turning 24, and eating crepes.

I have some birthday resolutions:

1. Smile because it happened, don't cry because it is over: I have trouble with this old addage, I tend to sob over the ending of eras, and the leaving of old stages. and really this isn't helping me. I am going to get older, and move on from things, so I might as well start finding joy in it.

2. Monthly check in: I am going to set a time aside once a month for me to sit down with me. It will be a time to stop and reflect on the past month, and a time to plan the month ahead, with a focus on things to do to achieve my goals. I have been finding for the past little while that it does not feel like I keep up with time. I'll be thinking it is the 7th and it will turn out it's the 25th, of October, when really, I still thought it was August. I want a time to touch base with myself, to take some time to appreciate what I am doing, and to plan what I will do.

3. Don't compare my insides to other people's outsides: I constantly feel inferior to others, because everyone else seems to get through life with such ease and grace. Recently I have been told by a few people that I always come across as confident, which to me is odd, because I usually feel like a giant ball of awkward. This makes me think that the ease and gracey people, are really just as terrified as I am on the inside.


I am now going to shower, as I just fenced for 3 hours. I would prefer to enter my new life year, not being smelly and gross.

Booky things

I got to head home to my hometown last weekend, and got to make a glorious stop at the library. I took out, at the recommendation of my cousin 'Love in the time of Cholera' and a few other books. Including 'Odd Hours' by Dean Koontz. It is the fourth book he has written about the same character, andI really enjoy how he writes for this character, so I am always pleasently surprised when there is another book about him, especially since I believe it was originally intended as a stand alone novel.

I am reading 'Love in the Time of Cholera' right now, it has a bit of a slow start, but it's mostly because the writer is clearly creating an entire world, down to the smallest detail. I find that when authors do I don't always get into the book right away but about halfway through I hit the 'can't put it down, not even when I am walking' phase. What was weird though was that I was at page 60 and a co-worker asked if it was a good book, and I had absolutely no idea yet.

Fencing and Brunching

I fenced on Saturday at a team tournament. It was a lot of fun and we went farther than we thought we would. We thought we would get kicked out pretty early because our team wasn't very good. Realistically if I am the second best fencer on the team, it's not a good thing. But we fenced and we had fun and we learned things. I also go to eat Pizza Hut, which is always good.

I had brunch today downtown, we squished seven people into a table for four. Condiments ended up being stored on the floor and any unneccesary plates were immediatly jettionsed. It was a squishy, but a friendly, good squishy. I then wandered in Indigo with one of my book friends. Her and I like a lot of the same types of books and she is very good at recommending new books. I didn't buy anything but I got lots of ideas for new books to get at the library. But now I am sad because I just realized I don't have any books to read tonight.

I met up with Heather while I was downtown and came out to my place together. We had a very good night, it's fun to relax with Heather. She doesn't mind if I am scatterbrained and my room's a mess. We also ate ice cream.... just try to pretend you're not jealous.


I was supposed to get a lot of things done today, but I didn't because of the impromptu all after noon brunch and book browsing. But I am happy. I went with the flow instead of thinking about all the things I had to do. I was good.

Helpful Info

So usually I wak up at 6:00 am. My alarm did not go off this morning, I did not wake up until 6:20. I got everything done that I usually do in the morning... and I have time to blog.... I am thinking I do have time to do yoga in the mornings.

Fencing Practice

My awesome fencing streak continued at tonight's practice. I was able to apply during a match a couple new skills I have been working on! That is huge for me. A couple people commented that my fencing was coming along. It was also great to be able to wear almost entirely my own equipment. It was nice to know that all the sweat was mine.

Message to cousin..... You should go back to work now!

Fencing Tournament

I had an awesome time at my fencing tournament yesterday. I had not really been looking forward to it because I have been struggiling so much in fencing lately. In fact I didn't win a single match in my last tournament.

At this past tournament I won two matches! And I actually won them with a plan, not just mindless flailing. In the second round (the furthest I have ever made it, because everyone makes it that far) I did the best that I have ever done. I was neck and neck with my opponent to continue to the next round.

I also got to spend some great quality time with my Dad because he drove me to and from the tournament.

All in all it was a very good day.

Yeesh. Cousin. Harsh. And yet I post,

Fencing was frustrating. the drills went well and I was fine doing the footwork. But when it came to actual free fencing, it was like I had never fenced before. Actually beginners are often hard to beat. But I was very easy to beat. all I seemed capable of doing was sticking my blade out maybe wiggiling it a little. No parrying. No reposting. Just panic. Very frustrating.

Mission Accomplished

As of Friday the 10th, at right about the time that I wrote the post just below this one, I successfully managed to blog everyday for a whole month! Yay! I found that setting such a goal was a great way to get me back to blogging. I mean they weren't all great, if you post every day they won't all be gems you see. But I actually blogged more than twice in one month, which is like a record for the past year.

So yippee for my bloggery.

Tragedy

So today I got some life altering information. For my whole life I thought the dishwasher filled up completly, like the washing machine does. Apparently it's more of a shower like situation. I don't think I can adequately describe how dissappointed I am by this turn of events.

Blah

Fencing practice was frustrating last night. The warm up and core strengthening was kind of brutal. Then I worked with a beginner fencer during the drills, which was nice because it is fun to teach beginners. But when we started applying the skills in boutes I couldn't keep up, because I had not done the exercise. I left fencing feeling useless and terrible, not a good mind space to be when I have a tournament next weekend.

At last nights training we had a guest speaker, who dicussed what it is like to live with bipolar I disorder. He told us what it was like to live with mania, depression and what it was like to be hospitalized because of psychotic breaks. The medication that he is currently on to help control his moods causes his hands and legs to shake all the time. At the end of his talk he, almost causually, said that while he has had to struggle a lot more than most, there are so many good things to experience in this world that the struggle has been worth it.

A sleepy view of the world.

I think I need to stop promising myself that I will be back to bed soon, every time I wake up in the morning. This has the effect of making everything I do all day, just something to accomplish before I go back to bed. This sort of puts the whole day in a bad light. I have tried taking a moment in the morning to think about all the good parts of the day, but I always risk just falling back to sleep when I lie in bed. A change in perspective definetly seems neccessary.

More training tonight which should be interesting.

Recipe for Success

So I have this recipe I really like making, and more importantly I really like eating it. It is based on the Cheese Cappeletti at East Side Mario's.

Here is the recipe;

You take some cheese stuffed ravioli, the more types of cheese stuffed in there, the better.

You take a four cheese tomatoe sauce and a four cheese alfredo sauce. You mix them together until they are pinkish and taste good.

You pour the sauce over the cooked pasta in a casserole type dish. (This part always gives me pause, because I really hate casserolles) and then you grate different types of cheese over it. You grate whatever type of cheese you happen to have in your fridge, well whatever type of mold-free cheese you have. Then you put in the oven so the cheese on top gets all melty and gooey! It's delicious. And I found a way to make it better tonight! I added another layer of cheese in between some of the pasta. I did not honestly think that I could get more cheese into this recipe... and then I did. Aim for the moon children, cause you'll land amongst the stars.

WARNING: this recipe is not for the lactose intolerant... or the vegan.

A COMPARISON OF COGNITIVE THERAPY, APPLIED RELAXATION AND IMIPRAMINE IN THE TREA

The title of this post came up on the auto-complete thing that windows provides. I went with it.

I loved Nuit Blanche last night. It was a great night to be a part of. It felt good exploring things I don't normally do. And seeing parts of the city I don't normally see. It was nice being out late at night and wandering around, but having enough people around that it felt safe. Heather was an excellent tour guide. I hope she didn't mind being the planner of our destinations, she just seemed to have a natural ability to plan out our trip so we got to see the most stuff. I would blog about the exhibits, but I am not feeling it right now.

I went shopping with my Mom most of today. It was awesome. I love spending time with my Mom. My Mom is very good at finding her way around the mall and she was very helpful in my quest to find some sweaters for work, so I can look professional and the such. Sasdly we could not find her a coat. THERE IS A BATH AND BODY WORKS IN YORKDALE! I got soap that I have always wanted, that I always envined whenever I washed my hands in America.

Is this post rambly and uninteresting? Well it should because I am on the phone and posting so there we go. Can't do two things at once.

New sweater day for work tomorrow! And my hands will smell like cool cucumber. Perhaps I will throw on a little makeup, my new coat and be the total career woman.

Goal Updates

So because I do a lot of general complaining about how I amn directionless, without a future and what not, I will now take a moment to acknowledge some progress. Because it is just unfair to you lovely readers (and by that I believe I am including all five people who read this blog) to hear all the compliants but none of the joy.

1. Goal: Volunteer. I have wanted to volunteer since moving into this apartment a year ago. Actually I have wanted to volunteer since first year, but it has felt rather urgent that I do so since moving out. Now I am finnally in training to volunteer with an organization on a regular basis. This is awesome because it means I am working towards both career discovery and something I have considered a life goal. My training with the help-line has been going well, it is very interesting and looks like the help line is a great resource for many people.

2. Goal: Exploring more of the opportunities in Toronto. I always feel like I am not taking advantage of all the city has to offer. Like going to an all you can buffett but just drinking water. So I have started exploring the city, keeping my eyes open on street cars and checking out different shops and neighbourhoods. I have also checked out Toronto festivals, I went to busker fest, the word on teh street festival, and tonight I will be doing nuit blance with Heather and some friends.

So there we go people, I am making progress! Yay me!

I wrote this post with only one eye open.

I had dinner with Heather and Judy tonight. It was weird realizing I had not seen Judy since high school. I didn't realize that I had never seen her in the interim. I don't know how to spell that word. I also don't know how to not read blogs for an hour longer than I intended to, and then be really sleepy.

Sleeeeeeeepy

Fencing last night went really well last night. One of our coaches has decided that all of us our out of shape and weak. So for two weeks in a row he has a run a brutal warm up session. I stopped feeling bad about collapsing mid-pushup when I saw one of the other fencers, who has an awesome gun-show, also collapse while doing pushups. I want to jog more to get into better shape and improve my stamina, but I am kind of stuck as to when to do so. I don't particularly want to do it in the mornings, but that seems like when I would most routinely get time to do so. But the mornings are just so damn early.

Time Change

So this morning I was going to blog about how training went last night, and how I think it will be very helpful and I will learn skills that I can apply throughout my whole life. Except this morning, when I went to feed Finnigan, I spilt half a bottle of flakes into his bowl. So I had to spend like 10 minutes fruitlessly trying to net the food out of his bowl. The bowl that I just cleaned yesterday. I therefore do not have enough time to write about the training.

Training Day

I start training today for the telephone helpline. I am a little bit nervous about working the helpline. Hopefully the training will really help me. Other than that not much going on today, work, training, oooh and Admiral Finnigan will get his first tank cleaning.


Could you stand such an exciting day? I didn't think so. You have to be pretty extreme to handle such an action packed day.

To Pesto

Tonight for the first time ever, I had pesto. Okay that is not true. I have had pesto before, but it has always been mixed with other things. I was not aware that all of the awesomeness was coming entirely from the pesto. What follows, is an open letter to pesto.

Dearest Pesto,

I am sorry for not appreciating you all these years. I am sorry that I have not been dipping french bread in you. I am sorry I have not been tossing pasta in you all summer, for a light summery feel that still has a little flair to it. I am sorry that I have never put you on a burger, for I know it would be a taste sensation. I am sorry I had not previously mixed you with feta and put you on a pita. Pesto, my neglect has done both of us a disservice. And for that I can never apologize enough.

Love always,

Christine.

Book Festival

I got to go to Word on the Street today. It is a book and magazine festival held in in downtown Toronto. Heather and I went and it was pretty good. The only thing was it was quite crowded so it was a bit hard to get to all the tables. I tend to like to linger while book shopping and that wasn't really possible. It was a nice day though and definelty worth checking out.

Kitten Cuddiling and then I call you lame

I had an awesome day today. I got to meet up with my friend Laura where she works. Laura works at an animal hospital that takes in stray kittens. I got to meet Floyd who is so happy about not having to live on the street and not having flees that he purrs all the time. He purs if you snuggle him, he purrs while he eats, he even purrs while he goes to the bathroom. After I put him back in his cage he stood in the corner and purred, nothing was happening, he just wanted to show the corner how much he appreciated it.

After the kittens Laura and I went to the mall and I got a coat! YAY! Take that all the people who said I looked homeless, I am now hip, professional AND warm. Ha.

Then Laura and I went out to Swiss Challet for dinner and then we went to our good friend Travis's birthday. We played video games and drank martinis. If that is not your idea of an awesome party, please don't invite me. Or talk to me... cause clearly you are lame.

Privileged

I really loved 'Privileged' a new show I watched on Tuesday. It had Sheianne from Reba, another show I loved. It had cute story lines, it's not a show that makes you smarter, but it is what the critics call 'heart warming'.

It also reminded me so much of myself. How we always wore our designer dresses to school. And how Shashi had her annual start of the year party on her yacht. Good times.

Admiral Finnigan: Status Report

Admiral Finnigan has a very awesome bubble nest going on. I am pretty sure it has wall to wall carpeting and a sunken living room. It would appear that my vain little fish is secure enough in his sourroundings, and himself of course, that he is trying very hard to attract a mate. I don't think I am going to tell him that there is no female Betta on her way.

I tried to clean out the uneaten food off the top of his water yesterday. Usually I just do a good sweep at the top of the water with his net. Except he swam in the net. On purpose. This fish has no survival instincts at all.

Better

Last night, after having a good freak out, I ordered in dinner. I watched House and Privileged. And oh my gosh it was so good to just relax for the night. I didn't try to accomplish anything or pursue any goal. I just ate some delicious food, that I didn't make, and watched some TV without organizing anything while doing so. I didn't do dishes, I didn't make my lunch or pack up for fencing. I didn't even hang up my work clothes. I just vegged. I feel so much better this morning. I forget sometimes that it isn't always better to fight against a freak out, sometimes it's better to let it happen, and then it's over. And then it's important to relax, and realize you don't have to sort out your whole life in one night.

Okay so....

So I think I have figured out most of the issue.

I am tired. I am tired of the routine and the schedule and mostly I am worn out.

I am giving myself the night off to mope.

Blah

I tried to buy a coat today and I was unsuccesful. Apparently I am not supposed to own a coat this year. My apartment smells because the people below me have shut all their windows and are cooking things that smell like crap. I am tired of making dinner and lunches. I am tired of washing laundry and vacuuming.

Fish = still swimming. I, on the other hand, am not doing so swimmingly.

Ask and ye shall recieve AND get to work on time

Recently at work the office radio station was changed to the radio station I listen to at home. Originally I thought this was awesome because I was so tired of the easy listening radio station. Unfortunately I have found that listening to the same station all day at work and then at home is way too repetitive. They play the same songs over and over again and the same commercials. And in the evening they switch over to a broadcast that is based in New York. I am not in New York so this frustrates me.

I was on the subway this morning thinking about how I need to find a new radio station to listen to at home. Something jazzy, but not all jazz. Something that would help me unwind from work and not remind of work. And a station with a good news source so I can find out if there is an emergency of some sort. My parents have suggested a station but I think it is all jazz. So I was agonizing over what would obvisously be an endless perhaps lifetime long search when I realized that my entire subway car was devoted to the revamping of CBC radio 2. Every last ad, from the banners on the top to the poster ads on the side of the cars were devoted to Radio 2, which features an eccletic mix of upbeat music types that (and this was seriously in the ad) will help you unwind from your work day. It was like the subway system heard my thoughts and answered me in the form of subway ads.

Admiral Finnigan is eating! He is eating flakes! And swimming! a lot! Go Fin!

Admiral Finnigan!

I have a new Betta Fish! His name is Admiral Finnigan. I figured he would be in the navy, because I expected him to be like Freddy and be fearlessly territorial. Freddy would even attack me, even though I could totally take him. Cause I was like 5 feet taller than him.... and I can breathe air. Finnigan is a frady fish though, he swims away a lot. If he keeps up his frightened ways I may need to bump him down a couple rankings.


Finnigan is just getting used to his new home. He has a bigger bowl than what he had in the pet store. And he has some nice rocks, which were sterizled today by pouring boiling water over them, and he has a plant for him to hide in. He is not eating yet which has me a little nervous, but I just put him in his new home today so maybe he is still getting settled in.

He is a deep red colour. I wanted a red fish because Freddy was blue, so I wanted a fish that would not feel like I was replacing Freddy. I call him Freddy once in a while by accident though.

Weird, right now he is one corner of his bowl stairing at his relection in the glass. It is like he is hypnotized by himself. Maybe Finnigan is a vain fish. He was one of the prettier fishes.

Dinner with Mike

Every once in awhile when I go back home my schedule matches up with Mike's, my best friend from grade school so we go out for dinner to catch up. Every time we do this though, we can never choose where. We spend the whole day trying to think of places, throwing out suggestions, asking other people if they know of anywhere good. Every time we end up going to East Side Mario's. We always read the menu, front to back, debate and agonize over what we should order; if we are in a pizza mood that night or if we want to try their new special. Every time we order the same meals. After dinner we agonize over what we should go do; should we go to the movies, if so what movie, should we go to a bar, or maybe we should mini putt. Every time we end up at Tim Horton's and talk for hours. And absolutely every time I have an awesome time with my best friend Mike.

Temperature

On the hook on the back of my door I hang a beach towel. I use it when I want to go read on the beach. On the same hook I have a scarf, I keep it out because lately it has been chilly in the mornings. I feel this situation epitomizes the weather we have been having lately; a beach towel and winter scarf hanging on the same hook.

Mornings

There is a man who lives on my street who drives a motorcycle. He parks it on the street near my house. And he idles this motorcycle every morning. I don't know much about motorcycles so I don't know if you have to warm it up for 10 minutes before you ride it, or if it has to sound like a 100 gun salute while it's warming up, but I do know about sleep, and that I like it. He idles his motorcycle at about 7 in the morning, while I am usually up at this time on week days I know that this is not always the case. He also idles it on Saturday and Sunday mornings as well. I have never met this man, so I know about as much about him as I know about motorcycles, but I have a very strong feeling that I would not like him.

Practice

I had an excellent practive tonight. We worked with a new sabre coach who will probably be with us for the school year. To see how we fence he broke every movement down to it's pieces, from how we held our head to where our point should be. It was awesome learning the precise placement of our feet. I learned a lot of that stuff when I first started fencing, but I didn't really grasp it all and I got lazy. While free fencing I was able to do a stop-cut (a move I have been working on for months) on a girl who is quite good. I was actually able to match her point for point while fencing her. Huge improvements all around!

Wednesday Mornings

Wednesday evenings I have fencing practice. Every Wednesday morning I don't want to go to fencing. I believe this is because almost every morning I don't want to get out of bed. Usually I start making bargains with myself that as soon as work is over I will come home and go to bed. Except on Wednesdays I know I can't do that. So every Wednesday morning I tell myself I am going to quit fencing and spend my life in bed.

Volunteering

After a year of saying that I will volunteer someonewhere I have finnally made active steps towards doing it. It is something different from what I have done before, (I am being consciously vague on this) which is good but also a bit scary. I do not know if I will be able to do what the position involves, but the only way I will know will be to try. It only requires a one night a week commitment which is good, and in a time slot that actually fits my schedule.

There are many reasons I want to volunteer, one of the lesser reasons is so that I will be less self-absorbed. It is not so much that I want to help other people so I realize how much I have, but I think that actively making time to focus on people outside my daily life will give me a chance to seperate from the thoughts I think all day every day, and will hopefully give me a new perspective.

Overheard on the Streetcar

Riding eastbound on the streetcar I sat near a 5 year old boy (his birthday is seven days away!!!) and his mom:

Boy: Can we go to the park?

Mom: No, but we can go tomorrow

Boy: Today IS tomorrow!!!!


That kid is hella deep yo.

Freddy - RIP

Freddy the fish is dead. And I don't think this is the kind of dead that you get over, like the internet suggested it would be. Freddy is no longer lying on his side on the bottom of the bowl, he is floating, on the top of his water. And doing something which I think is frequently called 'decomposing'. I will miss Freddy, he was my first pet ever. I will get another fish, eventually. I think maybe a red one, because Freddy was blue.

Friday night

I went out last night with a few friends to celebrate and as a farewell gathering. One of my friend's sister spent the summer in the hospital she is out now and getting stronger. My other friend is leaving for London (England) for a year. Visiting her will be difficult. 5 of us got together, and went out to a crowded bar. It was as a great time, where we weren't out to impress people or pick up or anything, just out to have fun.

We made it back to one of their apartment's where three of us all fell asleep in the same bed (well one was on the floor, but she was next to the bed). I lived with the two girls in my first year, it was odd realizing that we our entering our 6th year of knowing each other. As I was falling asleep last night, (or passing out, whichever you want to call it), sharing covers with a good friend, I remembered how scarred I was in first year, that I wouldn't make friends and that I would be lonely. I want to go back and hug that girl, the scarred me, and tell her that it will all be okay. It may not work out quite the way you think, and there will some very bad times, but oh my gosh it is overwhelmingly good. But I don't own a time machine (not one that I can use without risking a tear in the space time continuum) so instead of going back to hug the me from Frosh week, I'll just tell the now-me these things when I get scared.

things are not looking good...

things are not looking good for my fish. He is lying down.... the internet said that this was okay, that they frequently wake up from this.... but I don't know. This makes me a little bit sad. He is my buddy. Poor fish. I feel like perhaps I failed him.

Virus

My computer has a virus... it causes windows to pop up. Seriously who gets a pop-up virus? It's like I just started hanging out on the internet or something. I did a virus sweep with AVG but I am not sure if it killed it or not. Nothing seems to be happening right now but I fear that it is secretly ravaging my computer without me knowing it, and one morning I am going to wake up and my computer with have exploded.

I want to reformat but I don't know how with this comptuer, this doesn't come with a disk... I think I just have to ask it nicely and maybe then it will reformat.

Freddy

I am worried about the mental stability of my fish. It is coming up on his one year anniversary with me. He doesn't seem to want to eat anymore and he just swims aggressively around his bowl or he sleeps. He also stopped making bubble nests, therefore he does not feel like he's worthy of attracting a mate. Maybe he has finnally realized that his world is less than 3 feet square. That would upset me.

Beach thoughts

Every day when I am coming home, either from work or from being out with friends, I want to keep heading past my house and go straight to the beach. But I never do. Because I am too tired, or I have too much to do. Today I realized that that is what is standing in the way of me getting things done. Believing that I don't have enough time to do something, and that I can always do it later, is costing me awesome experiences right now.

So today, after going out to dinner with a former co-worker, I went to the beach. I love the sight of the sun setting, and the night was so crisp, it felt easy to breathe. On the beach there was a little boy who waved at everyone he walked by and everyone waved back. On the way back from the beach I walked past a bar that had live music and no windows. Two men on guitar were playing "Don't Worry, Be Happy" and the song filled the street. I wandered over and one of the guitarists waved to me. I went home in a much better mood than I had been in all day.

Wedding Today

Heading out to a wedding today. Usually I love weddings, and I have been very excited about this wedding. Yesterday it felt like today was filled with magic. Now I am just nervous, I am not sure why.

I have loved my week off. It feels like it has been longer. It feels like it has been forever since I was in my life downtown. It has given me a break from my routine, which is good. I get lost in my routines, working hard to maintain them, without realizing that the routines, while maintaining me are not improving me.

I think I have come away from this with a little more clarity.

So I really do hate my internet connection

I apologize for not posting more often. I am really not amused with Rogers. They kinda really suck. They have replaced the cable that runs to our apartment to give us internet, this was expected to fix everything. It has fixed nothing as far as we can tell. This has been most frustrating. When I am online all I can really do is check my email and facebook before I get too frustrated. To send an email it usually cuts out about 5 times. And then if I hit send it cuts out and then it doesn't remember what I wrote. By the time I get around to blogging I am just too frustrated.

The painting went great! The blue really came out well, and I did not end up needing stencils. I found words that you can apply to the wall (kind of like stickers) and then remove when I move. The room feels a bit more like me now.

I am on vacation this week. I am out enjoying the sun. Or I will be. today it was rainy.

There is more I am sure, but right now I am sleepy

Painting Day!

Today my Dad is coming over to help me paint my room. And by help me paint I mean my Dad will probably end up doing most of the work.

I am excited, this means I will finnally be able to put more pictures up. Although I haven't found stencils yet like I wanted to put near the top of my wall, but I will.

I had been avoiding painting because I was afraid that I would choose the wrong colour and would hate it. Then I realized that a life lived in fear is a life half lived. Well I didn't so much realize that as much as I watched Strickly Ballroom

freak out

I am currently experincing one of those freak outs that starts about one thing in particular and then rapidly becomes about how you have wasted your whole entire life and it is too late now because everyone else is so vastly far ahead in every facet (from life choices to ability to pick the type of kleenex) that it is just better if you give up entirely. (the 'you' in that paragraph was obviously a figurative you and not you, but if you read it like that perhaps you also need to start meditating).

While being envious of everyone's everything I am simultaneously dissappointed in an all encompassing everything. My crappy internet that cannot stay linked for more than 5 minutes, my landlord who does not fix anything except really really bad smelling food. The courier service at work who can't seem to understand the concept of overnight and of course the sheer existence of other people.

It has been a bit of an angry day today.

Please though do not think I include your existence in the category of "things that are making me angry" unless it is you who is making my internet cut out (or if it is you that is making fish for the third night in a row below me) I love each and every last one of you.

Yeah sometimes I still blog

I wish I was more creative. Or I am creative but I am not sure where my niche is. Maybe I should start playing the cello. Is that even how you spell that?

I am out of things right now.

Shoes

I bought shoes! I finnaly found shoes that are cute, durable, and comfortable. They were even under a hundred dollars! Actually my Mom found them, she and I went shopping and after being dragged to many a store so that I could look at all the shoes in the store (every store) my Mom was able to identify the perfect pair of shoes! I am so excited.

I really really wish I had a copy of that song 'New Shoes' it would be so very apporopriate. I am so excited.

There is currently the biggest house centipede in my sink. I am freaking out. I think it may eat me.

Do it Now

Everyone, please go and clean out your fridge. If you are sitting there thinking that you do not need to clean out your fridge, that you know the exact contents of your fridge and when you bought it, you most of all need to clean out your fridge. If you are thinking that there is nothing growing mold in your fridge, you are wrong, there are at least three things growing mold in your fridge. And that hummus that Heather gave you that you thought you had finished weeks ago, is growing no less than four different types of mold.

On the upside, your fridge will be mold free and oh so roomy.

Friday Night

I went to a fantastic party last night, one of those that makes me think that I will look back on this time in my life with incredible fondness. It was being hosted by a few people that I had lived with for a couple years who then moved out and got an apartment together. It was two of their birthdays plus a little graduation party. It was a house party where there were a whole bunch of people who I did not know and who didn't know each other, but it was all cozy anyway. there was meat on the barbeque and a lot of wine and beer (fencing tournament today meant I could not drink). There were two birthday cakes, one of which was dropped on the floor, but still salavagable. By the time the cakes were brought out though there were no more plates left so we all ate cake out of mugs. There were also very few spoons so people started eating wtih spatulas and wooden spoons. There was also roof sitting... but being uncomfortable wtih the amount of drunk people on the tiny, possibly rotting out, roof I stayed inside and played guitar hero.

Yeah, there is something terribly awesome about being in my 20's and having very few responsibilties.

Conundrum

I find it very odd that you can love where you are, but at the same time, miss where you used to be.

Good Life

I had a party last night, with a few great friends all hanging out in one room. I made crepes and brushetta and they were enjoyed by all. Even my friend who doesn't like tomatoe.

Today I spent an hour at the beach reading a book. Tonight I will make and eat one of my favouritest meals, and have dessert of strawberries and whip cream. I will drink red wine. I will wonder why I am so lucky.

Sunscreen

I was out searching for sunscreen today. I have 4 things I am looking for in sunscreen: spf of agt least 30, waterproof, moisturizing and smells nice. I have only found this combo once.... three years ago my Mom bought Suntanicals sunscreen by Banana Boat. I walked around with smooth skin, swimming when I felt like it, smelling good and fending off the sun. That was perhaps the greatest summer ever. The following summer I used the remainder of what I bought the previous summer (I had a few half used bottles because I kept losing the bottle and buying another one). Last summer though, I was not able to buy any more. As far as I can tell they have stopped making it! The only suntanicals sunscreen I can find has SPF 8. I would get more sun protection if I just asked the sun nicely not to burn me.

I tried again today... three stores... all failure... mind you one was a business depot so there wasn't any sunscreen there. I am devastated.

Saturday

I spring cleaned my room today. Cleaned the windows, washed stuff, dusted... even cleaned my fish bowl. Vacuuming occurred. I am now at home with my parents. I just watched the Ruins. It is a terrible movie at the start but it gets much better.

I am very much looking forward to the summer... but it also means that a whole school year has gone by and I haven't really accomplished anything.

Busy Week

Had a surprisingly busy week this week.... well not really that busy, just Monday night and Wednesday night I was out so late that the following day I was too tired to do anything, I just ended up going to bed.

So I haven't really balanced my bank account this week... or cleaned out my emails. I have aboout 47 emails to go through.

It's nice when I am busy, but always in the back of my mind is the steady build up of life maintenace stuff.

Chopstickery

On Friday I ate Japanese food and managed to use chopsticks the whole time! I am insanely proud of this fact. And I tried a lot of new stuff. I am liking this trying new stuff thing. I also got to drive a go cart for the first time ever. It was terrifying at first, but once I realized that I wouldn't die if I was hit, it got cool. I had a great time but I don't think this will become a habit. Very hard to read books while driving a go kart.

I'm thinking of making crepes this week, but I don't really want to go out and buy whip cream. But I have nuttella... maybe I will make rissotto.

I had an awesomely lazy day today. I got a lot of reading done today, which was great. Why did I never manage to do that while in school?

Links

Just noticed that Shashi changed my name to Christine on her blog. Weird.

Titles are hard to think of!

I fenced last night and a girl I fence with regularly (but who has been off because of knee problems) said that I had made some distinct progress! Which is awesome, because I have been trying harder!

There are 3 tournaments in April, but schedule wise I can't make it to any of them. The one I really want to go to is on the same day as a close family friend's birthday party, so that blows. I think tonight I will have to choose one and then schedule around that.

This Saturday, other than lunch with my brother and Yvonne, I have to go to the mall because the boots I bought at the start of February have a whole in them. This is very sucky because I spent an a lot on them so Iwould finnnaly have quality boots, instead of having to replace them every year. Now I have to see if I can return them, and what if they don't have any boots left in stock? What do I do then??

I have also been looking into buying Puma shoes, but their website is horribly un-navigatable.

Today was a good day! Maybe because I spent yesterday at the Career Centre 'Exploring my Options' so I am starting to realize that there is hope for a future. Could you take me seriously as a life coach? It was in the section I was looking in. Would people go to a 24 year old life coach? What knowledge could I possibly have? I could show people where to get on the subway so you get off at just the right spot... but only for some stops.

Sound Effects

On Friday my parents and I spent a day at a conservation area. Part of it was a tour of a created Native Canadian community. One lady who gave us a tour was so excited, and had so much knowledge about what she was telling us that she spoke in sound effects. I would love to have so much passion for something, that I could speak in sound effects.

Sometimes it feels like I will never accomplish anything. I don't even seem to have an interest in anything job like.... or any sort of passion. Actually I currently have a few passions. I shall list them:

1. Olive Oil
2. The smell of cucumbers
3. The colour light green and pale pink
4. Spring
5. Tulips
6. The idea that perhaps... maybe... I might have a future.

I feel like I am looking for inspirations.. something. But very little seems to spark anything.

Weekend

This whole weekend it has felt like summer. Heat more than warmth. I've wanted to wear tank tops and skirts. Running shoes instead of winter boots. I look forward to wandering around in the city without gloves and a coat and a scarf. I look forard to lying on the beach and reading. Drinking red wine with the windows open. Eating on patios. Warm nights, long warm nights. I love the summer.

I will buy a beach towel soon. And new running shoes that will last more than two months (Screw you payless). And I will explore restaurants in the Cheapeats book Heather gave me. Like we did today, very good food with nice atmosphere, Heather is a very good restaurant picker.

I am in love with pesto, and olive oil right now.

Subway Ride

Since daylight savings time I have been able to enjoy a different view out of the subway window (it's actually more of a monorail). I catch the end of sunrise, where things are a soft pink instead of the intense reds and oranges (which I love). I was looking at it and thought that THAT colour was dusty rose, not the horendous colour of all of my high school furninture. Then I realized that the sunrise was more of a powder pink, that was dusted on the sky, it itself was not dusty.

Morning

Last night I had a party and a couple of my friends slept over. In the morning around 5 am we had to go move my friend's car so she wouldn't get a ticket. The world was quiet and the snow was freshly plowed. As it turns out 5 am is very peaceful.

We got back to my apartment and it was very calming to know that two of my close friends were sleeping in my apartment all cozy and warm. I watched the sunrise through the window, life is good.

Two people came in my work to have a meeting with our product manager. Right as they were about to tell me who they were looking for one of my co-workers began singing happy birthday over the intercom for someone who's birthday it was that day. The two guests looked at each other, and then started singing along. One even gave a 'Cha cha cha' at the end of the song. I love people who are willing to play along.

Remembering things differently

I did not have the easiest second year in university. When I refer to second year I tend to refer to it as 'The Year My Life Imploded' even though I do not think that is the proper use of the word 'imploded'.

This evening my roommate and I were looking through pictures on her computer from that year, and I realized that it was a really really good year. Despite everything that happened, I had a great time. I met a lot of friends that I am still really close to now. It was a year that I felt like family with a lot of the people I lived with. I think from now on, I should start looking at it as the year things changed, mostly for the better.

Family Day

I am currently in love with the show 'How I met your Mother'. Mike lent me the first season and it is awesome. I suggest that everyone goes out and watches it right now.

I spent today at work, despite the famiy day nature of today. I was cleaning out files because our offices are moving buildings. Is it sad that I am very excited to set up my new desk? Cause I think it's kinda sad. Seriously, I need something a bit beyond what I currently look forward to.

Fence Fence!

Because I commute in from work I usually arrive late at fencing. Normally I come in halfway through the warm up/muscle strengthening. Whenever I join in everyone else is all worn out, so simple things like leg lifts make them groan in pain, this has the tendency to make me cocky. Today I worked out to this guy who is built, and he was exhausted, I thought that I was a total animal because I could do three push ups in the time it took him to do one. I quickly ran out of steam.

Morning Review (at night)

Since the days have been getting shorter I have noticed an interesting phenomenon. I wake up before the sunrise and go to bed before the sunset, but I never notice either happening. That has made me kind of sad for a while, to be so caught up in my scheduals and lists and thinking and drudgery that I don't notice something as simple, and as beatiful, as the sunrise.


This morning, I saw the sunrise. And it was beautiful and orange and glowed. It made me happy.

Beautiful Things

I made dinner for my roommate for two nights in a row. I made brushetta and pizza last night and tonight I made brushetta (I really like brushetta) and egg plant parmasean. It was funny on Saturday night because we were out of regular cheese, so all we had was camenbare to put on the pizza. It tasted great, but what kind of people have to settle for camenbare?

I cleaned my fish all on my own today, this was a huge step as every other time I needed someone there to spot me while doing it. This is probably because the first time I did it Freddy hopped out and landed on the counter. I was understandably paralyzed with fear and my roommate had to rescue him. I am pretty sure that I lost about 4 years of my life in that moment. Hopefully it will have been the years wherein I have a terrible hair style and look terrible in pictures.

New Years etc.

I am not doing very well with this whole post more often thing. It was a new years resolution to post more and to write in my diary more. Maybe I just need to get in the habit. I also need to work on being less intimidated by Shashi's blog. No one can equal her ability to write on anything and make it interesting.

I think my life needs both more reflection and dreaming. I am getting all caught up in the cycle of chores in life. I am accomplishing nothing but tiny goals right now, nothing long term. For example I am happy when I manage to do laundry and get it all folded and put away. But there is nothing really long term about that. What happened to my volunteering? Where is my career research? I miss looking forward to things. Looking forward to accomplishing something big. In school you could always look forward to the end of the year, and past that graduation. I had a goal then. Now it seems I am living for nothing in particular. Don't get me wrong I love living, never known anything else really, but one cannot live for the two week sheet washing rotation (on the other weeks I wash white clothes).

Getting things done

So for some reason I am in the mood to get things done today. Since returning from work here is what I have accomplished:

- Done all of my laundry
- Ripped 15 CDs to my computer.
- Balanced my cheque book (ha I do that now)
- Vacuumed my room
- Cleaned out my purse
- Cleaned out my email
- Fed the cat
- Put away my roommate vegtables

See, I am awesome. The only issue is that I have yet to make dinner. It is 10. I have not eaten yet.

I am hungry.

Western

I am heading out to London this weekend to visit Jo Mike and Ryan. I am really excited to see them. I am also really excited because now I have these new travel cases for things like makeup and toiletry stuff. I got them for Christmas from my brother's girlfriend Yvonne. The cases are really cute and I want to travel more so they should come in handy. There is this travel jewllery holder that I found online and it's really pretty and would match, but I can't legitimize buying it because I have one from a long time ago. These are the thoughts that go through my head while I'm filing.

I find that I don't post often on this blog because I always feel pressure to say something valuable. And I also find that when I start writing all my thoughts become disjointed. Perhaps if I post more my thoughts will actually flow.

Goals

I think it is time that I start solidly outlining my goals and pursuing them. Some may call these 'new years resolutions', but I want to look more long term. Career wise, and in my personal life. Perhaps I will volunteer at a food bank. Maybe volunteering would make me less self involved.

I am currently strugilling with an organizational problem, I have too many lists. I like making list, lists of what to buy, what to accomplish, books I want to read, goals. But where do I put all these lists?

In other news, I bought bamboo! And I am so very excited.

I made a succesful dinner!

I am slowly learning to cook! I made brushetta tonight, with ingredients that I picked up while wandering through the grocery store. And I added to sauce that I bought at an Italian bakery.

I have a good life here, but it seems that I definetly need to start working on progressing. Finding a career, a life path. Something that will at the very least allow me to pay off my school debts, and travel to Europe.

I love the books I am reading and lying around listening to jazz music, and feeling so very pretentious.

Finding a Job

I was recently told by a financial advisor that I need to find a new job. He seems to think that my degree should be used for something. So I need to apply what I learned in school to finding a future.

Things I am Qualified to Do Because of the Vast Amounts of TV I watched During my Degree

- Cause the accused to break down and admit to his crimes during cross examination
- Perform invasive surgery under the worst of conditions
- Score the winning touch down in the Big Game
- Model and make it fierce
- Personal Trainer and Nutritionist in such a way that I will change your LIFE
- Make out with a close personal friend and have it end badly
- Make out with a close personal frined and have it end well
- Sell drugs and murder some people
- Re-decorate people's homes while not listening to any of their opinions
- Flipping Houses for fun and profit
- Fondly remember my days as a child star

Oh yes my future is just waiting to begin.

Sunday=Snow Day

Today is Sunday and it is so snowy that I have decided to stay inside and accomplish little to nothing.

Currently I am thinking that I may paint my room (not today, as it is a snow day). My room right now is all white from when the last occupents occupied it. I thought before that I was happy with the white but now I can't stand it. I'm thinking of a slate blue with a navy blue rag technique over it.

But maybe that would be too much blue. I have a lot of blue stuff so that may be a lot....

I made pizza last night! From scratch! Well the dough was from scratch, I did not make the sauce nore did I milk the cow for the cheese. But now I made pizza! It is so nice to add something to my dinner options, other than pasta.

The Last 24 Hours

So in the last 24 hours the following has occurred in my life:

• I deeply cut my thumb (including the nail) while cutting bread
• I stubbed my pinky toe so hard that it is now swollen and purple
• I got a paper cut on my pinky finger (not that bad, but those are always upsetting)
• Discovered that my apartment has developed some sort of a plumbing back up. The Bidday (which we don't use, because we are disturbed by it), overflows whenver water goes through the kitchen sink, or the toilet. I am willing to presume that this affliction also affects the shower and the bathroom sink. Awesome.

I have ordered Swiss Challet.

Rissotto

OK so I just made some rissotto. It did not really go well. The rissotto does not taste horrible. Which, if I ever open a restaurant, is what all my menu items will have as their descriptor.

My gas stove apparently does not work. Well 1 element works, which is not so helpful when you are supposed to be simmering while you are stirring something else.

New Place

All right I haven't blogged in awhile. I've been busy. Starting my new job and working out what it's like to live on my own.

I am starting to cook, today I made crepes for a dinner party. Everyone really liked them. On Tuesday I will be making rissotto. Maybe soon I won't have to spend so much money on pre-made meals.

I'm sorting things out at work, but now that everything is sorting out I now have to start sorting out my future. And that is pretty damn scary.